Venture into Hyboria ContestFollow

It seemed like it had been days, when in reality, less than half an hour had passed. Sulpp, the wizard, and his trusted mercenary Ganedof, the warrior, had been having a good day hunting in Stoneroot Falls near the boarder of Undershore. The looting had been fair but Lesson of the Devoted had raised the Alternate Advancement experience to epic levels.

Sulpp had been using levitate to stay out of range of the mobs, but apparently drifted too far off the bridge, when he notice two witheran join the fray while Ganedof was holding off a Xillsfar chaplain. Sulpp cast Atol’s Spectral Shackles to slow the advance of the witheran, but having cast Staunch Recovery during the initial attack of the two Xillsfar fighters upon entering the zone there were not a lot of options left.

The steadfast servant had been slow healing the mercenary, and Ganedof had already gone berserk. The chaotic jester had been more trouble than help, suppling poisoned potions and cracking wise most of the time. The witheran had focused their attention on the wizard as his health waned. When a Xillsfar warlock joined the fray, Sulpp ironically hated casters, the only choice was to abscond and try his skills in Stoneroot Falls later.

As Sulpp began to cast the spell that would save his trusted mercenary Ganedof and himself, he felt something was wrong. The choice was to interrupt the spell and recast or take his chances. In less time than it takes to think, Sulpp knew that there would been no time to recast the spell and awaited the fate of the forces of translocation.

When the smoke cleared Ganedof and Sulpp found themselves in Hyboria. After resting, regining and restoring mana the two set off to explore the new world they have found themselves in.

Another day of school, another day of boring lectures. All of the students here are lazily taking notes from the board as the professor slowly writes line, after line, after line of boring rules to follow while casting.
In particular he is going over the importance of form or some other such nonsense while casting portals. Something about streams crossing bridges. Who cares about water in a casting class? That's saved for Conjuring. Gerixx is one such person who doesn't care about this nonsense. He has better things to do, like inscribe notes on tablets and fling them across the room.

Well now he's sort of regretting not paying attention that day. If he had paid attention he would know that both hands generate a stream of arcane energy while tearing a portal through space and that crossing them twists his dimension into another, better rendered, one. Well he was busy trying to whisk himself away to Dalaran when he remembered that he had to take out an artifact and place it in a special teleportation pouch or it would be destroyed. Now since he was a normal individual it made more sense to him to stick his right hand into his left pocket to retrieve it. All of the sudden the barely formed portal starts hissing at him and starts leaking energy. He can only stare in horror as the energy forms a hand and pulls him in...

He looks around, the land is much more vibrant, more detailed and all around better. Thankfully he paid attention in Adventuring 101 and he knows exactly what to do when in a strange land, ask the nearest guard for some useless information
"Excuse me ma'am, but could you tell me where I am?"
The Guard looks at him quizzically before replying "Well you're in the Hyborian Kingdoms short and blurry one." In all his years in the Gnomeregan Informationarium he had never heard of such a place, he could only hope that the people here were more mature and polite than from where he was

Tde was born a San d'Orian Elvaan from a long line of knights, but served the Republic of Bastok as a simple warrior. The old Kingdom had been boring, and the constant bickering and superior attitudes of his kinsmen drove him to seek adventurer and fame elsewhere. His moogle however, constantly drove him to insanity...Pawning valuables..Making shine in his flower pots..But he was at least fun when he was drunk, and a decent poker player.

But one day..


"oh my head..." Groaned Tde as he opened his eyes. That last thing he remembered was finally giving in and trying his moogles moonshine during last nights poker game, everything after that was sort of blurry.

"Wait, where in vana'diel am am I?"

"Vana what mister? I think you had to much last night. You should go home and finish sleeping it off."

Looking around at the unfamiliar surroundings, a flash of memory put Tde into a panic.

"Dumping mog 'shine into the maw, what were we thinking! Good man, what world is this?"

"WORLD?"

Tde tried his best to explain he didn't belong in this world but while doing so removed his hat, revealing pointed ears..

"I'll have no half-demon in my bar, out with you!"

Leaving the bar in despair and confusion, Tde tried to work out a plan..

"I shall have to be more careful, until I can find where I arrived and how to get home!..Where did mog go off to I wonder?"

"Mister, theres a note on your back!" exclaimed a passerby.

Tde read the note: You should have treated me better kupo! Tend your own kupo'ing garden in your new life! Oh and magic doesn't work the same here. I can't believe it was so easy to get you into that drunken maw.

"Why that treacherous little furry floating...!"

It was going to be a long stay if magic didn't work the same here..Tde resolved to find a mage immediately..And prayed to Altana that this world had the equivalent of a black mage to start with..


Edited, Apr 21st 2009 1:55am by thatdamnelf

thatdamnelf's typo skill rises 0.3


Edited, Apr 21st 2009 2:22am by thatdamnelf

One day Shaowstrike was walking through Lower Jeuno and saw a strange blue box hiding in a corner next to the Neptune's Spire. Normally he ignores the weird stuff but this time it seems like the box was calling to him. As he walked closer to the box the door on it opened. Shaowstrike took a look inside and froze; the inside of the box was bigger then a mog house room yet on the outside it wasn't much larger then a galka.

Letting his curiosity get the better of him Shaowstrike walked into the box; suddenly the door slammed shut and the box started to make a whirring noise. He started to bang on the door and shouted for help. The strange box then became quiet and the door opened; Shaowstrike immediately ran out and came to a screeching halt. Lower Jeuno had disappeared and in its place was a pristine lake with a huge mountain behind it.

While Shaowstrike was trying to figure out what happened the box quickly closed its door and faded out of existence. Now realizing that he was stranded in a strange land he began to panic when a nude woman appeared from beneath lake's waters and walked toward her clothes which were hanging on a nearby tree. Believing that his luck was changing for the better Shaowstrike ran after the woman, with thoughts of Vana'diel fading from his mind.


Edit: In b4 Timelordwho.


Edited, Apr 21st 2009 1:13am by Shaowstrike

Orofin gave a quick jerk up on the hilt of his sword and it slid out of the skull with a sickening slurp.

A few chunks of pink Taru brains clung to the blade for a moment, and finally slopped onto the ground.

The gaping hole in the side of the little guy's head was spurting blood erratically, and a bit sprayed Orofin's .

"Ugh, not in the mouth!" Orofin gave the taru's limp body a kick in the side.

"I'm sick of slaughtering these cute little midget freaks Iago, I want a real adventure! With sky pirates! And Crystals and stuff."

"Gawsh Orofin, but you're so good at what you do, and these filet mignon morsels are good!" Gilbert Goddfried sqwuawked annoyingly, and went back to slurping up Taru intestines.

"Yeah, but it's so gross how they evacuate their bowels when they die." Orofin replied.

"Oh I know what you mean." said Gilbert Gottfried the parrot, and he cleaned up the rest of the mess to please his master.

Suddenly, a Delorian burst out of nowhere, leaving tire tracks flaming like Andy **** behind it as it roared along.

An old man in a lab coat with grizzled white hair and a goofy looking guy with Parkinson's got out of the quintessentially 80's car.

"We've got to go back to the future to stop the Crystal War and Conan the Barbarian or some such bullsh*t!" cried the scientist dude! Michael J. Fox added, "I'm a douchebag who created a foundation to cure the disease I've got. Superman got nothin' on me!"

"OK let's do it" said Orofin, ignoring the strange out of place comment from MJF.

So Iago and pals got in the car and they sped off to the past, or the future, or something, and they saved the day.

But not yet they didn't.

The car burst through the time-space continuum and arrived in the Cambodian jungles.

Predator fired his lasers at Michael J. Fox asploding him on the spot. Luckily the governor of California, Conan of Barbaria was there and he ended the nonsense right away by throwing a grenade axe at Predator's heart.

Prince Adam got a bit jealous so he used the power of Castle Grayskull and turned into He-Man, but when he saw Schwarzenegger was all old and wrinkly and plastic looking he calmed down again.

The nutty professor and Orofin and Iago and He-Man and Kormag all went and had a delicious picnic by the beach, with Shepherd's pie, and blood pudding, and some haggis. And all was well.

Until they remembered they went back to the past to stop Conan from getting his own MMORPG.

"We will need the aid of Conan O'Brien. The only man strong enough to stop a Conan is a Conan. And he wrote the monorail episode of the Simpsons, a true classic, so yeah. I also like that bit he does about the year 2000 since it's after the year 2000 already." exfoliated Morgan Freeman.

So they all went down to NBC studios and Conan #2 wasn't there, but Jimmy Fallon was. Jimmy Fallon looked directly into the camera and asked the intrepid zoombinis "hay what's up guise?"

"Oh great, we got here an hour too late, it's that guy who has Tom Brokaw, Tim Heidecker, and Eric Wareheim for guests because he can't book anyone else on his shitty talk show." said one of the people, let's face it it, don't matter who said it.

Well our heroes were royally screwed so they gave up and went home.

So Conan the Barbarian got his MMORPG and it did pretty well, but not that well.

The world went on turning for another 72 years until the groundwater ran out, and the ozone layer was depleted, and a nuclear war blew up everything but Australia, and a q-ball ate up the nucleus of the sun, and the ocean levels rose, and soil erosion, and Snidley Whiplash stole the world's oxygen supply and everyone suffocated, and stuff, and the Fist of the North Star was born!


Ken returned law and order to the land with his fists, while protecting the innocents from danger.





















The End?

Edited, Apr 20th 2009 10:23pm by OrofinOdin

Lemmiwinks crawled up Mr Slave's behind. It was a Frog King that guided him to the small intestine where he met the Sparrow Prince. He was guided to meet with the Catata Fish, whom guided Lemmiwinks to a safe escape through the gay man's mouth, thus freeing the souls of the other animals.

He was then crowned the Gerbil King.

Now that you're the Gerbil king has more adventures to go on! Fly away to faraway lands and to the setting sun! So many enemies and battles yet to fight! For Lemmiwinks the Gerbil King's tale is told throughout the night!

Le-Le-Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks Lemmi-Lemmiwinks Lemmiwinks, Lemm-Le-Lemmiwinks Gerbil King

The two samurai eased back into their stances. One calm and serene; the other sweating profusely. Almost a minute they faced each other, neither of them blinking. The breeze made the tall grass flow across the plains; Noon sunlight placed neither warrior at a disadvantage.
Once the younger man had relaxed his breathing, his elder struck; Quite easily, the young man was able to ward off the first strike.
Continuing with his momentum, the old man swung a vertical cleave; Hoping to put his opponent off balance, the young man applied all his strength in an upward parry.

As the old man was forced to the ground, his opposition was granted a brief second to grin. Much promise was anticipated on this day. As the old man was helped up by his pupil, a sudden tremor shook them both off their feet.

Upon waking, Kirby shook the debris from his head and upperbody. Fumbling around for his great katana, unable to see in the darkness, He realized that his mentor should be nearby. Skillfully sheathing his weapon, Kirby set out to search for the old man, Arathas.
Emerging from the damp, cold cave; Kirby took in the night sky of Hyboria.

One day I forgot to drop out of the alliance before Jailer of Love died, then Absolute Virtue spawned and knocked my tarutaru unconscious. When I woke up, I was in a dungeon in Hyboria and AV had turned into a gnome Pyramid Head and tied me to a pole. He tried to eat me, but tarus taste bad.

I then got bored and was saved by some form of deus ex machina.

One day I was standing around doing nothing and being bored when I saw a taru I hadn't seen before, standing around in my office, seemingly afk. So I look around innocently and BAM! Sat upon. Five or so minutes later the little taru comes back and starts /fuming, which is almost unbearably adorable... Seconds later she invites me to his party and I join on a whim. She then starts casting a spell I've never heard of... Teleport-Hyboria... Confused, I started running away, but because I was just sitting I was too slow and was teleported...

After a standard loading screen, the world appeared before me, one like I've never seen before in my many adventures in Vanadiel. After viewing my surroundings I suddenly see the tail end of a warp spell cast upon the little taru, and I felt startled...

The taru said to me,
"Well it seems my new spell works just fine!
You're stuck in that place til the end of time! O-hohohohohoho!!"

"Oh-shii" I said before the taru disbanded leaving me there stranded...

With nothing else to do, I called my trusty Wyvern Oboro and started looking for a way home.

There he was, sitting in the fields of Windurst when he first noticed it. It was a star, a shining star high in the heavens. Hypervan did not think much of it at the time, but as the day grew shorter and the sun started its descent into the eastern mountains, he noticed that it had become larger. He stood on a small hill looking up at the ever increasing jewel that hung in the sky.
"What is that?" he replied as he watched the bright light cut through the atmosphere and streak through the sky.
With a massive roar and shake the light fell behind the mountains causing a spray of dirt to fly into the air. He pulled out his choco whistle, calling his trusty steed to his side. He jumped on the massive bird, patting the side of it before heading off toward the crash site. He traveled through rough terrain running past waves of yagudo as he made his way tot he light. When he finally arrived he saw a strange object in the large crater with strange figures wandering about. One held a strange object, one similar to the weapons the corsair used. He approched cautiously, pulling out his trust spatha as he neared what he perceived to be a threat.
"Stand down," a voice replied from behind him. He dropped the weapon at the command of the voice and slowly turned around.
"We are emissary's of the planet Gilitax," the man replied in earnest. "We have traveled far to your planet in hopes to recruit brave warriors that will fight against those who threaten to claim our world."
Hypervan knew all to well about those who would try to take things away from others and opted to help the emissaries. He told of the armies of Bastok, San D O'ria and Windurst and showed the men the way. The men began recruiting those who were willing to fight, promising that they would return and help them fight against the shadows that threatened Hypervan's world. With that more of the strange lights appeared and took the brave soilders away. The emissaries told Hypervan that this was their command ship and that all the people that they had recruited had been brought here so that they could return to Gilitax and fight the treat. Hypervan heard about other brave souls from such places as Azeroth, Hyboria, Camelot, Ascalon, places he had never heard of before.
Six months later, after the war the soilders were being returned to their homes. The people of Gilitax, suffering heavy losses from the war and using their command ship to hunt the last of the threat, paid honer to the brave warriors. Hypervan, a renowned soldier of the war, approached a small vessel bound for his home world. His ship was jettisoned and he drifted through space, going through worm holes and such until he arrived at his home. After a jarring crash he emerged from his pod, but into a strange place, one he did not recognize.
As he traveled along the ocean he saw another person passing by. He stopped them, noticing that the man rode on a strange four legged animal. He looked at the man strange not sure of what he was seeing.
"Where am I?" Hypervan replied with a puzzled look.
"What wrong with ya boy? Did ya go and nock yourself on yer head?" The man gave a rugged pat on Hypervan's head. "You be in the land of Hyboria."
With that Hypervan knew that the vessel had sent him to the wrong place. With no knowledge of where he was or how he was going to get back. Hypervan followed the man trying to find his place in this new world and hopefully find someone that could help him find his way home.

So it was roughly 11 server time and the orc rogue Bakallawha was getting hungry. The usual assortment of vendor food just wasn't gonna cut it and somehow I had ran out of raid food as well /facepalm. So I started spamming trade chat "LF mage to make me some strudels" I waited....no respones.

Now it's 12 server time and the hunger in Bakallawha was starting to hurt worse then a bad pug, it started to affect my thinking now, why should them mages be the only ones to make sturdels, I wanna make sturdels too. So I set out for the mage trainer.

This is where the story sets to go bad, well I should say worse I already was hungry. Remember Bakallawha is an orc rogue, very good for hitting stuff not so great at being smart.

So Bakallawha started searching though Orgrimmar for the mage trainer. Another two hours later and I still hadn't found the mage trainer, end up having to talk to a guard and ask "Where mage trainer"...once he stopped laughing at me he said "The Valley of Spirits". Ok now I'm just down right confused "The Valley of Spirits" where the hell is that, what is an orc going to have to do in a valley of spirits why is there a valley of spirits in my city.

Now im angry and confused and still hungry so I did what I do best, went in to stealth and started looking for a target, mages. Not just any mage no I'm a good rogue I pick on the old and the sick or the weak I'm looking for a lowbie mage not one thats not gonna know where the trainer is either or one that one poly blink and run, but that one in the middle that can easily be "persuaded" into taking me to the mage trainer.

I found my kill, a level 15 troll mage running inbetween the AH and the mailbox, then back to the AH then back to the mailbox, and then back again to the AH, my guess is for tailoring mats. I slowly stealthed over to the drag waiting for the mage to head over to the tailoring trainer and my guess was right, no sooner was I in position when guess who I see running his way right towards me.

In one solid move I sapped but before I could stop myself my primal fury kicked in I waited to regen the energy I had spent on the sap, imagining the glory I was about to bring me and my clan then it was over for the mage one quick mutilate and he was down I had even used cold blooded on him too. It was then, my daggers still dripping from the blood of the mage, that the gaurd I had talked to earlier came around the corner. He tryed yelling for help but nothing came out, his throat was already slit. It was then that I came back to my senses I looked down and saw what I had done, I had killed two fellow hordies and over what...food. Of course that reminded me again that i was still hungry and started looking for the mage trainer again.

I went back through my search of Orgrimmar, trying to find this valley of spirits. I suddenly was reminded of some buildings sitting past the pvp vendor hut, but what were those buildings, I had never gone over there before maybe that was this mysterious valley of spirits I have been searching for. Well it turns out it was.

So I venture down into the valley of spirits, it was a weird sight lots of trolls in my orc city but anyway, I walk into the first building and I try to ask as politely as my orcish self could "teach to sturdels me". In response he asked if I had any runecloth I could exchange for Dark Spear Troll rep, he was the third hordie I killed that day. At that point the actual mage trainer came down the stairs and was all "hey mon what you be doing that for mon". I turned to him and yelled "Sturdels teach NOW!!!". I think he got a good laugh at it and told me "hey mon you be too stupid for that mon, however mon, i know another mon who might just be able to teach you how mon". I was either hungry enough to believe anything or the over use of the word mon confused me or something I don't even know but I believed him he opened a portal and I jumped on in.

Looking back on it this may not have been my best decision ever, jumping in a portal to who knows where from some mage I've never met before but I was hungry. Well as it turns out The mage community has been working on a new portal a portal to a new land, a strange land where no orc has been before, how ever this wasnt the port he gave me luckily for me he sent me to Thunder Bluff. I came out of his portal into the rise of spirits in Thunder Bluff and like the spirit place in org the spirit place in TB was a new land for Bakallawha. However there was a Blood elf in robes standing in front of me I figured she was the mage trainer the troll ahd told me about I was going to get my sturdels finally, I tried "asking" her to teach me but the hunger took over and all i could get out was "StrAAAHHHHHH". Well it turns out she was the mage leading the way in the work for this new portal and she thought I was a fierce brave warrior shouting my battle cry ready to venture forth to glory and battle no matter where it took me, even some new strange land. She opened the portal to Hyboria. I said "strudels" and she made me some strudels saying that it was the least she could do for such a brave soldier as I.

I sat and ate my studels, enjoying every bite. It calmed my soul and brought me back a clear mind and I thanked her saying "thank you for the strudels and the port to org" as I jumped into the portal. Due to a slight lag spike I stayed in TB just long enough to she her respond "farewell orc, I wish you luck in Hyboria."

I've been in Hyboria for a couple of hours now...starting to get hungry again.

One day, an odd-looking rarab hopped around in Windurst Walls, chasing the local Taru-taru, knocking over baskets and pots, and causing general mayhem.

Before long, the entire area was in an uproar. Everyone wanted to be rid of the rampaging rarab. Finally, Shantotto stepped out of her house and began laughing.

"Ohohohohoho. All this trouble over a little rabbit?
I should expect no more. Panicking is a commoner's habitaru.
Nonetheless, I cannot work, and I have much to do today.
I will cast a spell and send this rabbit away."

With that, she raised her arms and teleported the rarab elsewhere.

"Serves you rightaru," she said, before she returned to her house.



The rarab awoke in a field of green, dazed and confused. With a small shake, she slipped out of a magic belt, and quickly turned into a mithra.

The mithra scanned the horizon, looking for anything that stuck out of the endless field, and spotted a small town some distance away.

She began jogging towards the town on the horizon, while muttering "One more reason not to trust a taru farther than you can punt it..."


To be continued?


Missed a typo


Edited, Apr 21st 2009 3:55am by Etree

"Tralalala..." sang Shieron while happily skipping towards his Mog House.

"It's a such a beautiful day Hien!" he roared to his pet Wyvern.

"Meh." responded Hien.

"You kidding me? It's sunny and like 85 degrees ou--" confused, he paused for a moment. "Wait, wyvern's can't speak"

Hien started to panic, "Uhh, well.. I, umm.." He then quickly latched his hand/claw thingy onto the back of Shieron's head, and proceeded to slam it into a stone wall until he was unconscious. "Phew, that was close.. oh wow, I better clean up all this blood."

Shieron awoke hours later, confused and stuffed inside a garbage bag. "Wow it's dark, where am I?" as he ripped his way out of the bag. He glanced at his surroundings, noticing Hien asleep on the ground beside him and soon realizing he was in a strange new place. "Hien, I don't think we're in Vana'diel anymore!" he shouted in a panicked voice.

Frightened awake, Hien let out a loud bird-like screech drawing the attention of someone nearby.

"Who is dat?" shouted a man with an accent.

"Could you tell me where I am?" Shieron shouted back. "Oh and cool accent dude!"

A towering, long-haired, muscular man approached Shieron and Hien. He had a rugged, serious look to him and he probably meant business.

Shieron curled up into the fetal position and began sobbing, "Pleeeaseee just tell me where I-I-I-I... I AM!"

"You girlie man.." began the muscular man with his heavy Austrian accent. "..YOU ARE IN HYBORIA!" he finished loudly.

Shieron abruptly stopped sobbing and looked up at the man, "OH SHI-"

THE END