Venture into Hyboria ContestFollow

“Here I go again, the gullible Ipthar, on another strange expedition.” But being an adventurous and trusting monk, I’m not one for skepticism. Unfortunately, since I’m not one to pass on a drink either, the gullibility increases, as does my curiosity.

So here I am, running across the deserts of Sunderock Springs, headed toward the dreaded Endless Geyser. Now truth be told, I’m not stupid, but when a high elf wizard, whose lineage speaks of high intelligence and honor, tells me of a wonderful place to meditate, it’s hard not to believe what she’s telling me. Unless of course she’s still mad at me for knocking over a tray of drinks onto her scrolls. Anyway, I digress.

“In the center of the Endless Geyser, much like the eye of a hurricane, is a calm point that many legendary monks have used for meditation. The spiraling steam blocks all view from the outside world, eliminating any distractions and allowing peace of mind and body,” she says with a flicker of what looks like a smirk.

“Soundth great, but that geyther kills anybody that goesth near it. What makesh me, or any osher monks, special that my shkin won’t boil off from the shteam?” I slur as I take another draw off my mead.

“I have this little trinket that contains an enchantment to ward off any effects of the steam. All you have to do is wear it. Of course you’ll have to make it there safely on your own. The enchantment won’t keep you safe from anything that might want to eat you. Once there you can meditate to a level of enlightenment of which you’ve never dreamed.”

As I stupidly stare at my empty mug, I say “Okay, I’ll take it. Quellioush knows I could ushe a good medi…medita…mastication….mediation….you know, what you shaid.”

When I awoke this morning, with a lovely hangover, I realized how much of an idiot I made myself to be. Now everyone in that bar, who I know very well, will be expecting me to make this stupid trek. Probably even taking bets on how long I last. In preparation for this little venture, I recruited a couple of friends to come find my carcass and resurrect me should I not return in five days time.

Well, I’ve finally reached the geyser, that lovely spiraling column of steamy death. Having placed the talisman on my person, I slowly walk toward the geyser, settling my mind into a trance that would allow my body to be destroyed without pain. As I enter, I feel nothing but warm sulfurous air rushing up my nostrils, but no searing pain. I finally reach the calm center of the spiral, not believing that what the wizard had told me was actually true. When I look down, I see heat sores on my skin and my clothes are slowly falling apart. I start to feel the heat of the steam, my trance slowly ebbing away. As the heat starts to affect me more rapidly, I notice the talisman beginning to glow. In a sudden flash, a super eruption of the geyser hits my body. “STUPID HIGH ELF!!!!” I scream as my body is shot upward, passing me to unconsciousness.
When I awake, I find myself on a cot, naked and only covered by an animal skin. Sitting up, I see my clothes and leather armor pieces sitting on the floor next to my cot, soaked and shredded beyond recognition.

I hear the clanging of metal outside of the room I’m in. Metal workers? Hmmm.

Right then, a large heavily muscled woman enters carrying in a large bowl of what must be soup. “Ahhh, you are awake, little man. Are you hungry? You have slept for four nights.”

“Was a new inn built in Halas? I’m not familiar with this one.”

“Halas? What is Halas? Is that your home? Must be far away since I’ve never heard of it.”

“It is the home city of the barbarians of Norrath. Wait…you’ve never heard of Halas? Where am I?”

“You are in my village in Poitain.”

“Poitain? Is this not the land of Norrath?” I ask, begging Quellious to let me wake in my own bed.

“Norrath? No, you’re in Hyboria, land of our King Conan!”

Edited, Apr 22nd 2009 9:28am by Ipthar

Crush, kill, defend... My avatar might not be smart enough to understand how to teleport, mix wicked potions, or even whether to drink or apply them, but allies can pick up the slack. Keep the adventures coming!

Im a taru.


"He has seen too much" he replied.

Next thing I knew, it was snowing in the desert. Scorching sun silenced by his powerful dark magic. As I sat there, waiting to see what these horrible monkey people were going to do to me, I spotted my weapons a mere 10feet from me. I look at the apes, and at my weapons, then the apes, weapons, apes, weapons, apes, they look away and now's my chance! I roll up onto my feet and make a mad dash for my weapons, but they see me!

An ape cried out at me "HHEY! What do you think your doing????"

I didn't listen, all I could think about was getting away from them. I grab my staff, cast fire on my restraints and stand facing them.

"You think your going to get away??" an ape said chuckling at the thought. I replied in a deep voice "You do not know who you are dealing with....I AM THE GREAT FEISEI!!! I blow monkeys for breakfast!" "....." they stare at me confused. I stared back, red faced. "I ment to say blow up..." as they start cracking up and pointing their fingers at me i grow enraged. SO MAD THAT I TURNED INTO A EXSPERE USING HULK! I grabbed one by his throat, popping his head right off with my GREEN hulk arms. Grabbed another, ripping his nose off of his face! Another! Another! My anger grew.

WHHHHAAACCKK

Next thing I saw was giant eagles flying through the sky.

"This is Hyboria, can i help you up?" A maidens voice surely had to be coming from this beautiful woman's mouth.

(Hyboria....Where did I end up?...What did I get myself into?)

I walked down this one colored road as I came to think of how ugly I was. I looked around and noticed everything else was as bad looking as me. As of lately everything have seemed so dull and boring; troll and undead alike. So I sat down next to a squared tree (or bush, I'm not sure) thinking of what to do. My first thought was to change my way of life, maybe hang with more grown ups rather than children. So I did, and guess what suddenly my muscles were bulking like never before, and for once my face looked normal. And it wasn't just me that had changed; the whole world looked better now. But for some obscure reason it seemed as though not everything was going as smooth as before. No problem I thought, I just put on some different clothes, upgraded my hardware so to say. Everything went back to normal, except me, I felt refreshed in every way. I took another look around, and now everything looked fabolous. Every aspect of my life was improved, it looked like I've entered a different universe.

Where it used to be a sign with the name "Azeroth" printed on it, it had been replaced with "Hyboria". I understood little of this, but I couldn't care less, cause' with my new friends and clothes I was having a blast!

“I knew I shouldn’t have trusted that shifty eyed gnome!”, I thought to myself.

“Trust me, Tanya, its gnomish technology, much safer than goblin technology”, the pipsqueak of a gnome told me. “It will be just a short trip. I just need you to test it out for me. Nothing safer than a gnomish transporter, much faster than an air ship!”, he promised. “Just sign here and I’ll get you on the next transporter out to Singing Ridge”.

As I stepped on the transporter pad and felt the energy of the portal built around me turning everything dark, the gnome added on more thing, “Good luck, Tanaya. Come back after your experiment. Or... if that's not possible due to sustained injuries, your next of kin can report to collect your pay.”. Then I fell into the unconscious oblivion of teleportation.

“If I ever get back to Toshley’s Station I’m going to kill that little bugger!”, I muttered as I took in my surroundings. “We’re not in Kansas anymore, Simon.” The beating of the drums and the crack of whips on muscled backs was the first thing I heard when I came to from the portal. The steady rhythms of oars on water lead me to believe I was no where in Azeroth I knew of. I studied the humans around me, little to no armor with eyes of innocents who had never gleefully shed the blood of enemies. I had to be dreaming.

The over cast skies cast an ominous glow on my fellow passengers. Lightening tore the air asunder around us, the constant rolling of the ship on choppy waters had me green around the gills. Wave after crashing wave pounded our boat like the rams of hell themselves were upon us. Lurching to and fro was taking it’s toll on this old boat, I could hear her groaning in agony from the seas torment. I noticed a steady stream of rats running up the mast, looking for a safe harbor in the crows nest. From the look of the wood benches we sat on “Ancient” would have been a kind description of this beast. Age had not been kind to what was once a very beautiful ship, no amount of wishful thinking was going to keep this ship together. I couldn’t have been more right.

We saw the mammoth wave coming; we had no control over it broad siding us. I worked vigorously at loosening the bindings that held us in our places. Their worn water logged leather was no match for my trusty skinning knife. The boat began splintering into pieces, the screams of those still tied firmly in place filling the howling air around me. I grabbed the nearest barrel and held on for dear life.

It seemed an eternity that I floated along in those raging waters. It was with hope of salvation that I spotted an island in the distance. I gave Simon the lead and he tugged us to shore. The tropical beach had me hoping my luck was changing. Surely there had to be an alliance town here with a flight path back to reality. The trees, they were different from anything I’d seen in my travels, sharper and clearer some how. The sand scratched against the mail on my boots. My trusty ravager sidekick, Simon, lapped at the crystal blue water, sniffing his surroundings, constantly on guard but obviously indifferent to our plight. I was grateful for his presence none the less.

I had seen what looked like a habitable cove while I was floating in but this island was larger than I had anticipated. The thick underbrush would be an epic battle just to traverse and I was none to happy to anticipate what kind of vile or venomous life it supported. The palm trees were weighted down with thick coiling vines and the emanating sounds of some yet unfound beast taunted me with their calls.

I could stay on the open beach and travel along it’s rocky shore but it wouldn’t harbor me from the elements. Who knows what might spot and pounce on me in the open. No, the only thing to do was to make my way into the forest and face the hand fate had dealt me. I was sure I’d been in stickier spots than this but I was unable to think of any. It was with a reluctant sigh that I called Simon too me and headed for the tree line.

The sun was nigh on the highest point in the sky when the first grumbles of hunger hit me. My flint and tender were still soaked; there was little chance that my mana strudels had survived the sea. My hunting skills were legendary but I never found much use for herbology. I didn’t trust my luck enough to try any of the native foliage. I knew the only other option was to gather my nerve and prey upon the scurrying bugs that seemed abundant in this lush land.

I first tried coaxing them into my hand, sensing their doom they shied away. I pounced on them with my nimble fletcher fingers but found them to be quick and nimble. In frustration I stabbed my skinning knife into the bark of the nearest tree. Retrieving it, part of the bark came away and I found the mother load! Bugs of various size and color scurried about, ripe for the plucking. Once you get past the crunch they weren’t so bad. Simon, on the other hand, turned his nose up to my lunch time offering.

Fed and rested, my companion and I trudged on. The heat and humidity were our biggest enemies, closely followed by an annoying biting fly. It was as I was shooing the pest way for what seemed the millionth time that I noticed the noise had changed. Simon was crouched in a bush a few feet in front of me spying the best sight I think I’d ever seen. Small outcrops of buildings were the sign of life I had been wishing for. My basic survival skills taught me to watch before barreling in to a unknown village, it was this that probably saved mine and Simon’s life.

Pirates! I’d know the signs anywhere. Their sea legged gait and rusty blades sashed around their waste, the rum induced swearing and fighting were just a few of the more polite traits a pirate had. I was about to slowly back away when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Just where do ye think ye be going, girlie?” a harsh guttural voice said behind me. I tried making a dash for it but the pirates rough hand had a grip of steel on my arm. “Me thinks you might be wanting a bit of fun.”, taunted the pirate. His rum tainted breath and half rotted teeth leered at me from the face only a blind mother could love. His dirty breeches were tattered and his feet were bare but for the mangled toes that might have once owned toenails.

“Let me go and I won’t kill you. “ I offered deadly soft to the pirate.

“Where be the fun in that?” he laughed as he jerked me towards him. My knee met his fleshy soft parts about the same time Simon clamped on to his neck. He didn’t even have time to scream before my faithful protector raked his claws across his throat. A low gargle was the last thing the pirate accomplished before Simon took his fill of him. Never cross a carnivorous pet of a very disenchanted huntress. You might find she has no pity when her pet is gorging himself on your decidedly tasty innards.


With Simon refreshed it was time to show my wrath to the other pirates of this tiny village. Simon racing in front we took out three napping guards before they could raise a warning cry. The rest of the drunken lot was almost a waste of my pricey saronite arrows. Flesh was cleaved by the bite of my axe, my beloved Hateful Gladiators Decapitator. Meat was shaved from bone, bone was torn from bone. The pleas of of mercy went unheard in my rage. At last I was alone again with Simon, blood ran in rivers across the rock to pool in all its red glory at my feet. I searched the dead men’s belongings picking up a few stale loaves of bread and a flask of rum. It was with a steeled determination that I turned my attention back to the jungle. There had to be a town around here that could offer me safe harbor for the night and hopefully a flight path back to salvation. I kept this hope near me as I set off again into the wild.

I continued traveling north for the better part of the day, it was near dusk when I spotted another village. Fresh linens were hanging from lines with near by cottages lit with the inviting glow of door step lamps. I could hear people bustling about finishing up the daily chores and down the way I was delighted to find a sign for the Pig and Snout Tavern. I led the way out of the brush and made for the Tavern’s rowdy sounds. The smell of fresh cooked supper wafted from it’s chimney and my mouth began to water. Yes, luck was on my side.

I found a horse tie out to tether Simon too, we were in a strange land and we wouldn’t want any small pets or children to disappear while we were here. I patted his rough scaly head and walked the door of the inn. The old time battered wood door swung open easily and the warmth of the blazing hearth began to fight the damp chill from my bones. A portly waitress with frizzy red hair lightly stepped through the drunken crowd and came over to me. “A new face, we’re glad to have you traveler. We have warm meat pie and a fresh keg of the inn’s finest ale, if its board you’re lookin for, I think we still have room in the attic. “, she chortled.

“I’ll take the meat pie and ale if you please.” My hungry stomach rumbled in agreement. “The room I will pass on if you will point me to the nearest flight path back to Azeroth.”.

“Azeroth? Never heard of it? Which direction would that be?” she replied.

“Azeroth. Home of the Alliance, foe to the scourge and their friends the horde. Stormwind, Iron Forge and Dalaran, great marvels of workmanship, grandest towns you could hope for. You must know it. “, I balked incredulously.
“I’m sorry friend but I think you must be lost. This is the land of Hyborian and these is Tortage Island, I don’t think we can help you. “, she offered apologetically and excused herself to bring me my meal.

I shook my head in disbelief. How was I ever going to get home. Where was Hyborian and why did I have a suspicion that dratted gnome had sent me farther off course than I realized. I pondered this situation as I sampled my meal. Its delectable aroma helped abate some of my worry but I could not help cursing myself for ever trusting that gnome. Mama told me there would be days like this, she just didn’t tell me to expect them to be this bad.


Too be continued.



Edited, Apr 22nd 2009 2:33pm by Katielynn

An original limerick by JonasEinar:

Thou has forsaken me, Rallos Zek.

Cast me to a land where demons chop at my neck.

Yet your new Hyborian accords

Have wisked me to these message boards

So I can win myself a new gaming deck.

Once upon a time, in the (mostly) magical realm of Vana'diel, there lived a (somewhat) humble Beastmaster named Matrim. Hailing from the (indisputably) glorious kingdom of San'd Oria, the (possibly) young Elvaan spent his days happily charming sheep and tossing Tarutaru at monsters of all kinds (though, random objects, people and/or places would suffice in a pinch). Alas, those happy days were not to last.

One day, while tossing little pink hearts at random creatures, Matrim was
ambushed by a (very) viscous horde of Tarutaru black mages (individuals who
may or may not have been previously tossed to their deaths/and or peril). Chanting in union, the diminutive demons conjured forth the dreaded 'Warp-Reality' spell, with our (maybe?) dashing hero as their target. He would have been able to stop them, but alas, the mages had positioned themselves on a swath of ground a full 6 inches high! Unable to conquer so mighty an obstacle, Matrim was teleported to a strange new world...

Upon arriving in the mysterious land of Hyboria, our displaced protagonist takes upon himself a new, two-fold mission: To seek out and dominate the sheep of this
new realm, and, more importantly, to find short people to toss around.

One boring day rog was heading over to the warp taru, to warp over to jeuno, just like he had done thousands of times before. all of the sudden the taru yelled out "hah! i got you" and then used this:















Rog tried to force dc before he was warped, but it was too late, the trap card was already played. when he logged back in, he found himself in an unfamiliar land, known as Hyboria.

Edited, Apr 22nd 2009 6:35pm by ThePsychoticOne

I use to play WoW but I heard from ma pal

Theres a new game Age of Conan by name

WoW getting lame Classes overpowered

Time to venture to the land of Robert Howard

Needed a class rolled a barbarian became a Hyborian

Now Imma playa dragon slaya

Roam white sands with gankin clans

Pop into stealth one shot your health

You run in fear but going no where

Go ahead whine and complain blame the game call me lame

Cause the whole server had heard Imma AOC nerd!!!!







Edited, Apr 22nd 2009 8:16pm by Scyllinge

I hated all other MMO games with white hot burning passion. I found a friend in Hyboria, so I stay.

-Thunderbunz 2009

EDIT: Oops...see below.

Edited, Apr 22nd 2009 11:35pm by Bijou

The young Iksar peered out beyond the ruins of his home. He was told by the Elders that if he traveled toward the Pit he would find a carven pillar, surmounted by a stone book. It would, they said, transport him to a place of learning, where all were considered as equals.

This appealed to young Ardak, for despite the teachings of the Elders to he and his broodmates, he did not share his races' hatred for other races. He wished to be a part of the larger world without being scorned...or worse, hunted.

Sure enough, as he passed the fallen collunms, he spied the Stone Book in a grove of trees.

As he touched the stone, he closed his eyes and felt a strange sensation and it seemed he heard a voice in his head telling him to wait.

When next he opened his eyes, he beheld a vast fortress, swarming with human figures. Arrows flew, spears arced across the sky and blood ran in the fields.


"I'll bet" thought young Ardak "I'll bet the damn book was broken."

"No..." she said to me softly, as I started to turn the water-stained hot water knob slowly to the right.

The water rushed out of the overhead faucet, falling down upon us both in at first a cold, then gradually warming stream. She shivered beneath the onslaught, her hands flying up automatically to try to block it with her palms until it reached a more comfortable temperature.

I smiled into her beautiful cerulean eyes, her blonde hair quickly turning dark as it grew wet, hanging limply against her chest and back. She then quickly cupped her hands and splashed the water upon my face, the calciumified water draining into my eyes and temporarily making my vision muddled.

"I have to go, the Emptiness keeps spreading...if it has started to spread to other dimensions...then it must be stopped before it destroys all." I dipped my head into the water, the stream pounding the back of my head, with only small squirts getting past me.

"Hey, you're taking up all the water!"

I slipped my hand behind my back, tweaking the cold water nozzle some as well, to bring the warmth down a little.

"Too bad." I told her teasingly, leaning in for a dampened kiss. Our lips met, and I felt happiness spring up within me again. My fingers locked around her hips, and I drew her near me...

****

Later

****

"Alright, let's do this."

I shuffled my mog satchel from one hand to the other again, feeling the small bag contain a nearly impossibly large amount of items. My words to myself did little to lessen the nervousness I felt flooding my insides.

I stepped into the shattered crag fragments...

And found myself in a whole new world. There was a small broken sign nearby, and I could barely make the symbols out upon it.

Hyboria

I had made it.

~fin