I have a few here that you might've already heard, but I'm posting them anyway.
A pirate walks into a bar. Strangely enough, he's got a steering wheel sticking out of his pants zipper. The bartender says, "Do you know you've got a steering wheel on your willy?" The pirate responds,
"Arr, it's driving me nuts."
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A dumb blond is going ice fishing. She brings her supplies to the ice, and starts to drill a hole. All of a sudden, a booming voice says, "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE." Nervous, the blond quickly moves to another spot and starts to drill a hole. "THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE." Scared now, the blond heats up her thermos and takes a drink. A little calmer now, she moves to yet another spot and starts to drill. Once again, "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THAT ICE." Extremely scared now, the blond says,
"Is... th..that y-y-y-you, Lord?"
"NO. IT IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE RINK."
---
A girl in school comes home from school one day and says to her mom, "Mommy, I was the best at the ABC's today. I knew them from A to Z!" The mom responds,
"Well honey, that's because your blond."
The girl comes home the next day and says,
"Mommy, I was the best in math today! I knew all of my multiplication tables!" The mom says,
"Honey, that's because you're blond." The next day she comes home from gym class, and while the class was showering the other girls were looking at her because she had a more... generous bosom... you get the idea. Well, she says,
"Mommy, why is my body more shapely and better than everyone elses?"
"Honey, that's because you're 26."
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Post some funny jokes! =DFollow
a pair of blondes are walking down the street and walk into a building.
you would of figured 1 of them would of seen it.
you would of figured 1 of them would of seen it.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
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Hit it in the face with an axe!
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Hit it in the face with an axe!
Arch Duke Kaolian Drachensborn, lvl 95 Ranger, Unrest Server
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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a camaro?
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i dont have a camaro in my garage
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whats the difference between a dead babies and bowling balls?
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the bowling balls roll off of the pitch fork when you try to take them out of your trunk...
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i dont have a camaro in my garage
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whats the difference between a dead babies and bowling balls?
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the bowling balls roll off of the pitch fork when you try to take them out of your trunk...
whats more disgusting than a trashcan full of dead babies?
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b
c
d
e
f
g
h
i
the one still alive at the bottom eating its way out.
a
b
c
d
e
f
g
h
i
the one still alive at the bottom eating its way out.
I was going to tell you a joke about a wall...
but I didn't think you would get over it.
but I didn't think you would get over it.
Some people are like slinkies, they aren't really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
A blonde walks into a appliance shop and says to a clerk, "I wanna buy that T.V." the clerk replies "Sorry I cant sell that T.V. to a blonde." So she goes home dyes her hair brunette and goes back then next day to ask the same question and gets the same response. A little upset that the clerk saw through her giuse she decides to shave her head and goes back one last time only to get the same response. Rather upset she asks the clerk, "why wont you sell that T.V. to a blonde" and the clerk replies "Because its a microwave"
When a man talks dirty to woman its considered sexual harrassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.
If the world didnt suck, we'd all fall off.
If we cant pray in school, why is it I vote in a church?
How do you know a blonde has been at your computer?
-There is white out all over the screen
The only kinda man that falls from heaven is a snowman and not even they come assembled.
Whats the difference between a wife and a hooker?
-The hooker is usually cheaper and doesnt require pillow talk afterwards.
When a man talks dirty to woman its considered sexual harrassment, but when a woman talks dirty to a man its $3.95 a minute.
If the world didnt suck, we'd all fall off.
If we cant pray in school, why is it I vote in a church?
How do you know a blonde has been at your computer?
-There is white out all over the screen
The only kinda man that falls from heaven is a snowman and not even they come assembled.
Whats the difference between a wife and a hooker?
-The hooker is usually cheaper and doesnt require pillow talk afterwards.
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together. One day, the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor. Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Z-3 series BMW. Finding the keys inside, the chicken sped off with a length of rope, hoping he still had time to save his friend's life. Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive in the shiny BMW, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him. After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's car, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful car, rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
Edited, Sun May 9 05:51:40 2004 by PsychoJester
Happy and proud, the chicken drove the BMW back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned. The friendship between the two animals was cemented: best buddies, best pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life! The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle. Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his "thing" and he would then lift him out of the pit. The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story?
When you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
Edited, Sun May 9 05:51:40 2004 by PsychoJester
Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women:
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2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
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10.
I promise, this is the last one.
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls
over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on it's face. The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet, rolls
over and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."
#11bodhisattva,
Posted: May 09 2004 at 11:05 AM, Rating: Sub-Default, (Expand Post) Edited of my own will, Jophiel you have been Thwarted !!!!
Yes, that was a little too far for OOT.
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Dread Lord Kaolian wrote:
Yes, that was a little too far for OOT.
ahh i thought it was perfect.
LoL
Anyone who would have got the joke would not have been offended, and you cant be offended if you dont get it, i dont think it was too far.
but then its not up to me lol
but then its not up to me lol
Remember, OOT is the "play nice" forum. We might have small kiddies and or nuns wandering in here at any moment.
It's below the default filter now without affecting bhodisattva's karma. anyone that wants to look, can. anyone that doesn't... well, you get the idea.
It's below the default filter now without affecting bhodisattva's karma. anyone that wants to look, can. anyone that doesn't... well, you get the idea.
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Yes it is to far, i played DaoC with a nun, she trolls these forums every now and then, shoulda remembered that others use forum.
Okay here is my joke for all audiences.
A snail walks into a custom shop for cars, he says i want my car tricked out and i wanted it painted in blue with a giant "S" on each side. He comes back a couple days later when all the work is done and he is talking to the mechanic and the mechanic ask "why the giant S on each side?" to which the snail replies "when i drive by i want ppl to say 'hey look at that s car go"
Laugh riot i tell. And much more friendly than the starving ethiopian BJ joke.
Okay here is my joke for all audiences.
A snail walks into a custom shop for cars, he says i want my car tricked out and i wanted it painted in blue with a giant "S" on each side. He comes back a couple days later when all the work is done and he is talking to the mechanic and the mechanic ask "why the giant S on each side?" to which the snail replies "when i drive by i want ppl to say 'hey look at that s car go"
Laugh riot i tell. And much more friendly than the starving ethiopian BJ joke.
Bode - 100 Holy Paladin - Lightbringer
What's grosser than gross?
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Eating a bowl of cornflakes and finding out afterward that it's your little brother's scab collection.
What's grosser than that?
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Having seconds
OK, alternative for a previously posted joke.
What's grosser than gross?
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10 babies in one garbage can
What's grosser than that?
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1 baby in 10 garbage cans
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Eating a bowl of cornflakes and finding out afterward that it's your little brother's scab collection.
What's grosser than that?
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Having seconds
OK, alternative for a previously posted joke.
What's grosser than gross?
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10 babies in one garbage can
What's grosser than that?
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1 baby in 10 garbage cans
Quote:
How do you get a clown off a swing?
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...
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Hit it in the face with an axe!
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Hit it in the face with an axe!
Lol.
Really made me laugh, I hate clowns.
why did helen keller's dog run away?
you would too if your name was NYAAAGHHAANG!
you would too if your name was NYAAAGHHAANG!
LMMFAO @ Hobbitgod
Did you hear that Hellen Keller burnt the right side of her face?
She answered the iron.
----------------------------------------------------------
I guess she burnt the left side too....
They called back 5 minutes later.
She answered the iron.
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I guess she burnt the left side too....
They called back 5 minutes later.
I am pleased that U.S. forces captured a bedraggled Saddam Hussein in
his dirt crawlspace near Tikrit on Saturday evening. He had a side arm
and $750,000 in the hole with him and was within eyesight of his lost
palaces. News coverage showed Iraqis celebrating in the streets.
I'm also glad they're doing DNA testing, so we're confident that we
didn't capture Nick Nolte instead.
*little out of date, but still..*
his dirt crawlspace near Tikrit on Saturday evening. He had a side arm
and $750,000 in the hole with him and was within eyesight of his lost
palaces. News coverage showed Iraqis celebrating in the streets.
I'm also glad they're doing DNA testing, so we're confident that we
didn't capture Nick Nolte instead.
*little out of date, but still..*
i want this moved to the asylum so i can post the good ones lol
ok i got one
superman is flying around town and he is horny as hell, so he see's green lantern and and says "hey green lantern, do you know where I can get some action around here?" and the green lantern says "you could go to wonderwoman, she's the best!" superman says "well, um, i dont think so, me and her are friends so im not into that with her" so the green lantern says "well alright" and flys away.
so superman is still flying around horny and see's batman driving his car so he goes down to batman and ask's him where he can get laid. batman replys " you could go ask wonderwoman, she's pretty easy to get with" but superman still says "me and her are friends so i dont want to." so batman says ok and drives away.
so superman is flying around and STILL horny. he flys over the justice league building and there is wonderwoman, completely naked with her legs wide open! and superman thinks to himself "wait a minute, i can do this, im faster then a speeder bullet, i could be in and out of there in a second!" so he flys down, f*cks her! and flys away. then wonderwoman says "what the hell was that?" and the invisible man says "i dont know but my *** is killing me!"
pulled right out of Hollow Man ^^ :P
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