Girlfriend woes (or lack thereof)Follow

Let me relate personal experience here. I dated the same girl all through high school. As seems to be a universal plot, I got lots of nibbles from other girls while I was 'taken' but after we broke up, the dating scene looked like a barren freakin desert.

I told myself that I was much better than the guys most girls wer dating. I told myself all sorts of things, including the opposite of that statement. In short, I wnet through all sorts of self evaluation and wasted time. After about a year of this sort of crap, I realised the problem:

You must interact with women.

If you want to go out with a girl, then tell her so. If she already has a b/f then tell her that if she didn't you'd like to take her out. The very worst thing she can tell you is some version of 'No'. In short, you must express interest. And I don't mean by mooning from afar.

Nerve is not that hard to work up. All you have to do is look at the available options and their likely results. Then take the action that will most likely give you the result you desire.

The old "fake it 'til ya make it" technique. There's actually a lot of sense to the approach.

I've gone through times when I've felt really shy about meeting people. The people I met during those times never knew. I simply pretended I wasn't until it sank in "well hey, nothing is happening I can't handle when I put myself out there."

This works like a charm. Go with the mindset that you don't care what she thinks. It shows confidence. Find a few common grounds and your pretty much set. Also doing something nice for her that she won't expect really wins her over.
Sometimes you just gotta stop looking and wait for it to find you..it always happens when you least expect it.

Speaking from 4 years of experience with the same ball and chain heh.

Are you looking for empathy or advice? If you just want people to say "Yeah, that sucks" then... yeah, that sucks. You should stop reading right now then because the rest of this post is advice.

If you want advice, what was said is good advice. Sitting in a room with a blanket over your head might let you take the moral high ground of "being true to yourself" but it's not going to help you find anyone. You need to go out and you need to meet people and you need to interact with them in a dating manner. That doesn't even mean going out and asking women "Will you be my girlfriend?" it just means you ask women out, get rejected sometimes, go on dates and find out the woman is a vapid idiot you never want to see again sometimes and eventually, God willing, find someone you enjoy being with and who enjoys being with you. But I can tell you that sitting around saying "I'm no good at asking women out" isn't going to help you find that someone.

It's not a question of being "fake", it's matter of self improvement. Terminal shyness isn't an asset. If you're not happy being alone due to your shyness, then you need to find a way to work past it and build your character so that shyness isn't an aspect of you that's holding you back from what you want.

At the same age as you I was the same way as you. I was a shy, little 25yr old who couldn't ***** up the nerve to ask out a woman, even one who showed obvious interest in me.
So what did I do? I stopped over thinking it and went for it.
There are over 6.5 Billion people on the planet. More then half are women. Accounting for 18+ there's easily more then 1 billion female adults. How many have you asked out and been turned down by? Not nearly 1 Billion I'm sure. Go out and talk to women. If you sound "dorky, goofy or geeky" so what? You can't get embarressed unless you let yourself. And far too often you see a pretty woman and start thinking. That kills it right there. "oh she'd never go out with me." "oh I'll look like a dork asking her out." "oh she probably will say no and I'll feel like a loser." Just stop thinking about it and get out there and talk to women.

Or do what I'm doing and not worry about being with anyone, just busy working on myself. If it happens it happens, if not then more brownies for me. Not like any woman would dare try to come between me and my brownies. But I'm just saying. Ya know?

Honestly its all a bunch of games for females. They love to play hard to get and wanna see if ou can stand up to their expectations and then some. Me and my current g/f played cat and mouse for 2 months till I was able to finally snag her. It takes confidence and knowing what to say at the right times.

You people really missed the point we were making, didn't you?

Ok pal, here's what you should do - grow a pair!

I mean that as nicely as possible. Seriously.


The thing is, we are men. It's our job primarily to be the aggressor. I know some women will come up to men, but for the most part, it's on us. Sucks, I know, but at least we don't have to give birth. :)

Women do find confidence attractive, it's built into them. So if you want to succeed with the majority of women, better get some confidence. Please, do not live your life in a dark bedroom playing a MMORPG. What a sad existence that would be.

They did indeed. Several times.

I suspect therefore, that it is not a lack of confidence that is causing these problems so much as it is a lack of intelligence.

Simple, take a holiday to the Philippines. When you get back, you will have all the confidence you will ever need, guaranteed.

p.s. Try not to get married while you are there.

Dude, I feel your pain...

Here are a few learned behaviors that can help, seriously:

Learn how to dance. Learn to move on the dance floor. Find some hip-hop that you can stand and learn to feel the rythm. It will feel natural with practice and other white guys will be jealous of you.

Read some literature on empathic listening. Two open ears and a closed mouth are a woman's best friend.

Look in the mirror once each day and verbally refute your insecurities.

Be friendly and polite. Don't be too formal, though.

Good luck man, and let us know how things work out.

Dude i knoqw how it goes, i made this name just to ask a few questions o a different post.

but any way, i am not vvery confident my self, but i got a girl now. sahe acctually asked me first. wow im such a looser, but its cool. i usually dont have a problem with talking to girls, its just asking them out and stuff. i get real nervous and afraid of rejection.


I woul djust say w8 untill some one asks you out. but your already 28 sooo i would(if i were you, and what io am proly gonna have to do) gain confidence in yer self. lower yer standards( i havent yet thank god)(and if you have any). and just go at it.

also that learn to dance thing is a good idea. but if you dont like teh r&b/hip hop(like me) go with the dance music(like dj stuff in rave clubs) that stuff is good imo. i am thinking about getting into Break dancing but i don thtink i am stong enough yet. that **** is bad ***.

Good luck man.

Don't be nervous dude, its cool.

Just start hanging out at the same places as the ladies on want to hook up with. Get to know them at whatever rate you feel is necessary.