Innocent Dancing?Follow

I personally wouldn't be dancing like that with anyone other than my partner, but some people are alright with it. I don't think I would consider it "cheating," though. Plenty of guys are alright about going to the strip club and getting a lapdance regardless of their relationship status. This isn't really any worse than that.

Pretty much this. I personally have no desire to do any of that stuff, but I don't see anything particularly wrong with it (although if they feel the need to keep it a secret, that might be a different story).

My blanket rule for "is it cheating?": If you wouldn't do it in front of your partner, you shouldn't be doing it.

If your partner is cool with you grinding in dance clubs or sending explicit text messages to friends or getting blowjobs in bathrooms or whatever then go crazy. If you need to hide it from them, that's what they call a "warning sign" that maybe you shouldn't be doing it. Everyone's boundaries are different.

I didn't think it was possible to grind and not be aroused...

Yeah, I'd be pretty pissed if my husband did that, and I certainly wouldn't do it with anyone other than him. Also, lap dances are a no-no in my opinion.

I had a great relationship with my long term now-ex. He had a lot of male friends we both liked to hang out with, and we just fell into this system whereby when my partner was THERE I'd be more flirty with his friends if that was the common mood, and when he WASN'T there I'd be more restrained and circumspect. We trained our friends into knowing they could have a little fun and closeness with me, but it definitely wasn't going to go anywhere, and there was just no point making the slightest move on me when my partner wasn't there.

The group was very emotionally close, so when the emotional undercurrents became more overt they'd come out a little physically. Looking back, in a weird way my male partner kind of expressed affection to his hetero male friends by loaning me out for fairly innocent cuddles and massages, and not-quite-as-innocent playing with each other's fingers and toes on the living room couch or floor. Early on my partner tried massaging one of his close male friends one day when he was stressed, and that didn't go down too well. Country background people just didn't like male-on-male touching. So massage duties for overworked or stressed friends fell to me.

When my partner WASN'T there, I'd be way more circumspect, and restrict myself and our male friends to talking, no touchie touchie at all.

So: partner there, I'd spoon on couches, give and receive massages and flirt with his friends.
Partner not there, no touching, the very very lightest of verbal flirts if it came up, usually more serious conversations.

None of that group were big dancers, so I usually went out dancing alone or with gay friends. I've always been happy to dance sensuously just to myself. If I had my gay friends in a club, I'd link pelvises on the dance floor with them for some songs. But that never worked out with straight males friends, they were just no good at synchronising hip movements. Probably because they felt self-conscious about it.

The one time my partner came out with me to a dance club with his straight friends none of them got up and danced. They drank beer and watched the floor. My partner reported later one of them said: "She's put on a lot of weight since you started going out. But look at her. She could have any man in the room."

Basically my partner, while loving my mind, I think in hindsight got a kick out of his friends liking or admiring his girlfriend. He was secure that I'd stick to our arrangement of "no other men", so he didn't mind what I guess amounted to "showing me off", and what was a very very mild, subtexted form of polyamoury.

It can be pretty difficult to separate our ego's from the equation when it comes to seeing our significant other making sensual contact with someone else.

All situations vary, but here are some good questions you can ask yourself when in a relationship and something of this nature comes up:

Am I a jealous person?
-If so, fist thing you need to do is look at the big picture. If you have a problem with one partner when it comes to jealousy, then you will only continue to have this problem with every relationship you have.


Does my partner regularly engage with other people in a sexual manner, even if sex is not involved?
-Then you might need to re-examine your relationship. Maybe your partner is looking for a new relationship but is too afraid to leave or feels that such behavior is normal and acceptable.

Do you and your partner still connect physically like you did when you first started dating?
-If not, this isn't necessarily a huge problem. Maybe your partner is devoted to you in every way but is feeling that something is lacking sensually. This is completely normal and here, like with all issues, communication and acceptable compromise is key.


At all times when approaching a situation such as this it is vital to be able to separate your "neurotic" ego (jealousy, anxiety, fear, hate) from your "functional" ego (motivation, compassion, love, respect, etc.)

It's not cheating so long as that ***** has his money at the end of the night.

Other wise though, yeah, it's wrong.

I'd be pretty angry is my fiancee was out dancing up on some guy as I know she would be angry at me if some girl was dancing up on me. There is probably some sort of physical attraction to the other person if you are dancing up on them.

I meant that remark about asking to be half-humorous.

Olde married people do that to spice things up. Know your safe word.

I wouldn't appreciate it in the slightest. Then again if I were dating or married to someone like that I should probably get my head checked and wonder where I went wrong.

My husband and I haven't been dancing in years. But when we were still dating we used to go out with a fairly large group of people about once a month. Both of us would dance with other people and touching and grinding was involved. Of course, we danced with each other this way too. It doesn't bother me because I know he's going home with me. He also tells me who he'd like to boink (not just celebrities) and I do the same. It's a little game we play.