Need creative minds assistance pleaseFollow

Charmaine got cast in a webseries and again it's a project about zombies. I don't know why she's becoming the go to girl for the undead projects. However, she doesn't die in this part, which means she might actually get picked up for a continuing part. Yay.

Somehow after the zombie meltdown, Charmaine's character has become some kind of zombie guru. She knows how the zombies came to be, what they actually do, how to kill 'em, etc. The producers on this say that the zombies are unlike any other zombies. Not sure what that means as we haven't seen the script yet. But due the producers' creative process, the shoot is going to be "guerilla-style" with some possible improvisation. Hence, I need the OOT's input.

Possible lines that Charmaine can say while she's talking about:

What zombies are immune to.
Why cemetaries are safe from zombies (and yes, we're shooting in a cemetary--and she's totally cool with it since we have some deceased family member residing at every cemetary in San Diego).
Best way to kill a zombie (non-head shots apparently).
Best way to fit in with a zombie mob.

Only limitation is that she's not allowed to use the more extreme cuss words. Damn and crap are about the strongest she'll be allowed to go. She's talking to a younger kid and saving the younger kid from being eaten.

Cemetaries could be safe from zombies because it's consecrated ground? Maybe they're athiest zombies.

Best way to kill a zombie is obviously a headshot, but... to set it on fire, as embalming fluid is highly flammable.

I like The Walking Dead's idea of how to fit in with a zombie mob. Cover yourself in hunks of dead human.

Sounds like they're trying to make a PG zombie flick. I have to say, that is way too limiting. I'll try, though.

Zombies are immune to essentially everything, short of starvation, fire, and extreme cold.

No cemetery is safe from zombies. That is entirely counterproductive to a zombie apocalypse. It's where 90% of zombies come from. Cemeteries would be the least safe places to be. I don't know, maybe if they're some kind of magicked zombies created in a morgue and the cemetery reminds them of their death and they explode or something, but that seems silly. If you're creating zombies, then limiting your supply of zombies seems kind of a worthless handicap.

The best way to kill a zombie is to destroy the brain. That's like the top eight ways. The other two ways I can think of is to set fire to them, and to starve them. Seeing as how initial outbreak of the zombie apocalypse means there is plenty of food for them, that option seems to be out, so when in doubt, burn it to a second death. Of course, you can also freeze them, but it isn't so much the freezing that kills them so much as their inability to get food, so they starve.

One story says the best way to fit in with zombies is to smell like them and be really really quiet. Apparently their sense of sight is all but gone, but their sense of smell and hearing are enhanced. So if you take the gore of the undead and essentially bathe in it, and walk slowly and quietly, you should be able to make it out.

Honestly, if you want better answers I'd need to know more about the story. Zombies go from slow moving and easily avoidable brainless masses to fully functional but really really hungry immortals.

Why zombies could happen.

Why it would fail.

Edited, Aug 2nd 2011 1:39pm by lolgaxe

Have you seen a modern burial vault? If zombies can punch through the steel casket and concrete vault and six feet of earth, there's no sense in even hiding because they're just going to bust through your fortress like the Kool-Aid man.

Your modern zombie will have to come from the unburied dead or else those buried in some state-run Potter's field where you still have mass graves of pine boxes.

That's what, twenty to thirty years worth? And that's assuming it's the standard. Unless we've modernized every cemetery since we stopped just tossing corpses into rivers and lakes, I stand by the no cemetery is safe concept.

Also, that makes it boring.

Your corpses thrown in the ground, lakes and rivers 30+ years ago aren't going to make for very structurally sound zombies. I'd be worried about people who died a month ago and were reanimated, not legions of shambling pilgrims and Confederate soldiers.

Modern burial practice. Vaults and liners are largely required by cemeteries these days to prevent sinkholes as the earth settles, caskets degrade, etc.

Thumb wanted to know why a cemetery would be safe and, assuming they're in a reasonably modern cemetery, there's your reason. At least it handles why you'd be safe from the dead bursting up from under you. If we're asking why they can't breech the fence, that's another question entirely.

Edited, Aug 2nd 2011 1:00pm by Jophiel

They need to reach someone who is in order to infect them. Which is tricky business when your soft tissues became topsoil a couple decades ago.

You guys crack me up.

I love how this evolved into a debate.

But no actual lines you want Charmaine to say? As in "Best way to kill a zombie is to boil it in butter and whip it at cars."

And yes, this webseries is actually going to be rather PG-rated.

*Holds a flamethrower toward an approaching swarm of zombies*
"Say hello to my little friend!"

*Freezes zombies in a walk-in freezer*
"You guys need to chill out!"

*Stares at the approaching hordes*
"This bites!"
or
"I'm in the Zombie-bashin' business. And business is good."

Edited, Aug 2nd 2011 4:37pm by LockeColeMA

Lighting a zombie on fire is a terrible idea.

Now instead of a zombie coming at you you have a flaming zombie coming at you. Even if it doesn't bite you it'll at least burn you.

Have her watch Zombieland over and over to study Abigail Breslin as Little Rock. She could probably get some pointers there since Breslin was 13 at that time.

Also, not sure if it matters, but it's always best to kill zombies from a distance. Being in close looks cooler, but the splatter will ruin you. Got a cut? A handnail? Get some in your eyes? Bam, you're a zombie.