InappropriateFollow

As long as we all agree.

Well you're being called both.

Did I ask for advice? I honestly don't remember or feel like looking back at the OP. Either way, I do appreciate your input. It is helpful whether you think it achieved anything or not.

Also, just the fact that you all think I'm back peddling and making up new details suggests to me that you now believe it's not so bad after all, and that you possibly regret making such a big deal about it to begin with. But then, this is the part where you're supposed to say, "No, it's still so ****** up and terrible and nothing will change that." It's ok. Everything is ok now.

Edited, Jul 15th 2015 4:42pm by Kuwoobie

The back peddling makes it worse.

Until the next one then!

May I suggest Podcasts? I recommend the Super Best Friendcast.

Read a book.

I don't think that's normal at all. Heck, even among members of this forum (an online gaming forum no less), I'd wager most of them don't spend that kind of time online as adults, much less think it's appropriate for an 11 year old to do so. I'll grant that for someone who is himself very very active online, it might not be as strange for his child to spend similar amounts of time online, but that activity would be a shared one with the parent supervising. That does not seem to be the case with this girl though. So no. Not normal. Or healthy.




I mean established programs with structure for helping kids in difficult home situations. Volunteer with big brothers/sisters. Or the local boys/girls club. Or the local rec center. Or any of a dozen different such organizations in your area. You wont be helping her directly, but you'll be helping others in a similar situation. And you could suggest that she get involved in similar such programs in her own area, thus helping her by proxy. This is a far far far more healthy way to actually help her than what you are trying to do.



And yet, you think speaking to this one girl for extended periods of time is something you should be doing? At the risk of stating the obvious, this is not your child. She's not your responsibility. If you already feel you aren't the right kind of person to deal with other people's children, then that should apply to this girl as well. Obviously, this is your life and you know the details better than we do, and it's your choice to make. I think you should seriously take the advice you're getting her to heart though. I don't think anyone's trying to bash you here, just trying to help you avoid what could be a really really terrible mistake.

Look, some of the responses may have been a bit harsh, but what brought everyone to this forum originally was online gaming, not human psychology. There has been no backing off, everyone has had the same reaction to your story, some have expressed that reaction in a more intense manner. Also, as I said in an earlier post, you titled the thread so you know something is not right here.

Stop being defensive. If she hasn't called in a while that gives you a good excuse not to pick up where you left off when she does call. Make some excuse why you can't talk. Meanwhile, there are plenty of things to occupy your time in a potentially productive and fulfilling way. Here's one.

She already said it'd be his fault if things went south for her. Now he just need to put the burden back on her by saying he'll probably off himself if she stops calling him.

This sounds like a balanced relationship.

I'd gladly tell my story for a DVD copy of said movie and a Mounds bar.

You need to talk to your wife if you have thoughts about killing yourself.

From reading this thread I can tell the following:

You are emotionally lonely. It wouldn't matter the age if someone called you, you would talk to them for 9 hours. Here is the thing though, it is abnormal for anyone under the age of 16 who still does not grasp abstract reasoning to talk on the phone for 9 hours. In the long run there will be more damage by enabling this behavior than the so called momentary relief she gets.

You do not like your wife working long hours. You need to talk about this.

You are trying rationalize this by saying you are harmless, yet you contradict yourself by saying you have thoughts of suicide. You are in no position to be a counselor to a 11 year old girl. You do not have a clinical psychology degree, do not try acting like you have the skills or knowledge to help when you yourself needs help.

Please for your sake, your family's and this girl's sake; do not get involved further and get yourself sone counseling.

I did, at around that age, on the occasional weekend. It wasn't an issue of poor home situation, or lack of structure. Was it particularly healthy? Probably not, but I'm not sure it was expressly harmful. It's highly likely that the people I was gaming with were significantly older; heck Mindel was like twice my Age when we played WoW. In MMO's in particular you chat with the same people for quite a while.

I think Ari also had experiences like Kuwoobie's, I know at least that she has long chats with younger people, not sure on the specifics. I think she did offer a place to Rachel when she was going through a tough time but that didn't end up panning out. But as a general rule, age means quite a bit less on the internet where you can't see, and won't know it unless told.

This isn't to invalidate the suggestions others are offering, but just add perspective.