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#77 Jul 15 2015 at 9:27 AM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Haha. Okay. I'm just pretending to be retarded.
As long as we all agree.
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#78 Jul 15 2015 at 9:32 AM Rating: Good
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Bad writing is pretty relative. It's much better than being called a liar.
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#79 Jul 15 2015 at 9:49 AM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
It's much better than being called a liar.
Well you're being called both.
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#80 Jul 15 2015 at 10:22 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Yeah. Well I've had time to think about it, and it is clear now. The purpose of this thread has been fulfilled.

"It's clear now! I should do exactly what I wanted to do in direct contradiction to every single piece of advice!"
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#81 Jul 15 2015 at 10:29 AM Rating: Good
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Did I ask for advice? I honestly don't remember or feel like looking back at the OP. Either way, I do appreciate your input. It is helpful whether you think it achieved anything or not.

Also, just the fact that you all think I'm back peddling and making up new details suggests to me that you now believe it's not so bad after all, and that you possibly regret making such a big deal about it to begin with. But then, this is the part where you're supposed to say, "No, it's still so ****** up and terrible and nothing will change that." It's ok. Everything is ok now.

Edited, Jul 15th 2015 4:42pm by Kuwoobie
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#82 Jul 15 2015 at 11:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Also, just the fact that you all think I'm back peddling and making up new details suggests to me that you now believe it's not so bad after all, and that you possibly regret making such a big deal about it to begin with. But then, this is the part where you're supposed to say, "No, it's still so ****** up and terrible and nothing will change that." It's ok. Everything is ok now.

Yes, of course I'm going to say that it's still messed up. Because it's still messed up.

You saying "Oh, this is the part..." doesn't change that. It's that part because it is, indeed, still messed up. Not because of any face saving but because it's messed up. If I thought new information changed that, I would have said "Oh, I didn't know that. In that case..."

Nope. Still messed up.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#83 Jul 15 2015 at 11:25 AM Rating: Good
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The back peddling makes it worse.
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#84 Jul 15 2015 at 12:03 PM Rating: Good
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This all seems incredibly stupid and pointless now considering she hasn't called me in nearly a week and I spoke to her only briefly yesterday in text. It's very possible that scenario B has already occurred and this is all for nothing anyway.
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#85 Jul 15 2015 at 12:43 PM Rating: Good
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Until the next one then!
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#86 Jul 15 2015 at 12:55 PM Rating: Good
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Yeah right. I'm expecting any minute now for someone else to just randomly call me out of the blue.

No. Instead I get to enjoy another day-- 9+ hours for absolute silence, forcing myself to sleep so I might stop thinking of colorful and creative ways of offing myself.
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#87 Jul 15 2015 at 12:59 PM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
No. Instead I get to enjoy another day-- 9+ hours for absolute silence, forcing myself to sleep so I might stop thinking of colorful and creative ways of offing myself.


May I suggest Podcasts? I recommend the Super Best Friendcast.
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#88 Jul 15 2015 at 1:22 PM Rating: Good
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Maybe you just need to turn a tv or radio on. Like a puppy.
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#89 Jul 15 2015 at 1:28 PM Rating: Good
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Read a book.
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#90 Jul 15 2015 at 1:53 PM Rating: Excellent
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Just because you don't have 11 year old girls to pin your hopes on doesn't mean you can't still seek professional help.
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#91 Jul 15 2015 at 2:20 PM Rating: Decent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
As chaotic as it sounds, it is the norm. I didn't grow up any differently, and neither has anyone I've ever heard of.


I don't think that's normal at all. Heck, even among members of this forum (an online gaming forum no less), I'd wager most of them don't spend that kind of time online as adults, much less think it's appropriate for an 11 year old to do so. I'll grant that for someone who is himself very very active online, it might not be as strange for his child to spend similar amounts of time online, but that activity would be a shared one with the parent supervising. That does not seem to be the case with this girl though. So no. Not normal. Or healthy.


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Quote:
If you really want to help, then get involved in actual programs that help kids in this sort of situation and...


AHAHA! Yeah ******* right! And subject myself to all the same exact kinds of criticisms I'm facing here some more, by people I know even less, with a much greater risk of actual consequences?


I mean established programs with structure for helping kids in difficult home situations. Volunteer with big brothers/sisters. Or the local boys/girls club. Or the local rec center. Or any of a dozen different such organizations in your area. You wont be helping her directly, but you'll be helping others in a similar situation. And you could suggest that she get involved in similar such programs in her own area, thus helping her by proxy. This is a far far far more healthy way to actually help her than what you are trying to do.

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You know, when I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and become a teacher. The older I became, the more I realized how bad of an idea that was, and this thread is proof of that. --and NO, it wouldn't make a flick of difference whether or not I talked to them for 5 minutes or 9 hours, or what the subject matter was, or for what reason. Is it not completely obvious?


And yet, you think speaking to this one girl for extended periods of time is something you should be doing? At the risk of stating the obvious, this is not your child. She's not your responsibility. If you already feel you aren't the right kind of person to deal with other people's children, then that should apply to this girl as well. Obviously, this is your life and you know the details better than we do, and it's your choice to make. I think you should seriously take the advice you're getting her to heart though. I don't think anyone's trying to bash you here, just trying to help you avoid what could be a really really terrible mistake.
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#92 Jul 15 2015 at 5:21 PM Rating: Good
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Being a teacher and dealing with children is too dangerous (may get accused of molestation!). The same with volunteering at your local big brothers/sisters or youth group.

But talking for 9+ hours with an 11 year old girl online about personal subject matter. That's the way to go. No danger there, perfectly normal.
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#93 Jul 16 2015 at 10:18 AM Rating: Excellent
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Yeah right. I'm expecting any minute now for someone else to just randomly call me out of the blue.

No. Instead I get to enjoy another day-- 9+ hours for absolute silence, forcing myself to sleep so I might stop thinking of colorful and creative ways of offing myself.
Look, some of the responses may have been a bit harsh, but what brought everyone to this forum originally was online gaming, not human psychology. There has been no backing off, everyone has had the same reaction to your story, some have expressed that reaction in a more intense manner. Also, as I said in an earlier post, you titled the thread so you know something is not right here.

Stop being defensive. If she hasn't called in a while that gives you a good excuse not to pick up where you left off when she does call. Make some excuse why you can't talk. Meanwhile, there are plenty of things to occupy your time in a potentially productive and fulfilling way. Here's one.

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#94 Jul 16 2015 at 10:37 AM Rating: Good
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When you see a guy driving down the street in a van that says free candy you bring your kids inside, maybe that dude just has lots of extra candy but it's a dumb *** move and he knows it and so do you.

Your justification for all of this is that you're lonely and might off yourself otherwise. Get help. You sound like you're moments from a murder suicide and that's not somewhere I want anyone to be.

You're afraid to associate with children in a public setting out of fear of repercussions but do it in the extreme in a private setting as a replacement for your wife, that's scary as hell and justifies my "deep end" reactions very neatly.
#95 Jul 16 2015 at 1:48 PM Rating: Excellent
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She already said it'd be his fault if things went south for her. Now he just need to put the burden back on her by saying he'll probably off himself if she stops calling him.

This sounds like a balanced relationship.
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
#96 Jul 17 2015 at 8:30 AM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
She already said it'd be his fault if things went south for her. Now he just need to put the burden back on her by saying he'll probably off himself if she stops calling him.

This sounds like a balanced relationship.
Think any of us will get consulted when they make the TV movie?


Edited, Jul 17th 2015 8:31am by Poldaran
#97 Jul 17 2015 at 8:56 AM Rating: Good
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The One and Only Poldaran wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
She already said it'd be his fault if things went south for her. Now he just need to put the burden back on her by saying he'll probably off himself if she stops calling him.

This sounds like a balanced relationship.
Think any of us will get consulted when they make the TV movie?


I'd gladly tell my story for a DVD copy of said movie and a Mounds bar.
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Where they've got all hell for a basement"

#98 Jul 17 2015 at 10:49 AM Rating: Good
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Iamadam wrote:
The One and Only Poldaran wrote:
Jophiel wrote:
She already said it'd be his fault if things went south for her. Now he just need to put the burden back on her by saying he'll probably off himself if she stops calling him.

This sounds like a balanced relationship.
Think any of us will get consulted when they make the TV movie?
I'd gladly tell my story for a DVD copy of said movie and a Mounds bar.
Oh, come on. Have some dignity.

Hold out for an Almond Joy at least.
#99 Jul 17 2015 at 9:08 PM Rating: Good
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Kuwoobie wrote:
Yeah right. I'm expecting any minute now for someone else to just randomly call me out of the blue.

No. Instead I get to enjoy another day-- 9+ hours for absolute silence, forcing myself to sleep so I might stop thinking of colorful and creative ways of offing myself.



You need to talk to your wife if you have thoughts about killing yourself.

From reading this thread I can tell the following:

You are emotionally lonely. It wouldn't matter the age if someone called you, you would talk to them for 9 hours. Here is the thing though, it is abnormal for anyone under the age of 16 who still does not grasp abstract reasoning to talk on the phone for 9 hours. In the long run there will be more damage by enabling this behavior than the so called momentary relief she gets.

You do not like your wife working long hours. You need to talk about this.

You are trying rationalize this by saying you are harmless, yet you contradict yourself by saying you have thoughts of suicide. You are in no position to be a counselor to a 11 year old girl. You do not have a clinical psychology degree, do not try acting like you have the skills or knowledge to help when you yourself needs help.

Please for your sake, your family's and this girl's sake; do not get involved further and get yourself sone counseling.
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#100 Jul 19 2015 at 2:47 AM Rating: Good
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Just another coin in the well saying that this isn't healthy or normal Kuwoobie.

It's been already said, but worth saying again. Go seek out some professional counseling. Internet smucks aren't going to be able to give you the assistance you require.
#101 Jul 19 2015 at 3:51 PM Rating: Excellent
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1. No 11 year old should be spending 9 hour stretches on the internet in any form. Where's the parental supervision? Where's the structure? Doesn't she have other things she should be doing? I get that she may very well be in a poor home situation. But that's part of the problem. Everything you've described about her screams chaotic home life. That's something most people should just walk away from (or run away from). Which brings me to number...


I did, at around that age, on the occasional weekend. It wasn't an issue of poor home situation, or lack of structure. Was it particularly healthy? Probably not, but I'm not sure it was expressly harmful. It's highly likely that the people I was gaming with were significantly older; heck Mindel was like twice my Age when we played WoW. In MMO's in particular you chat with the same people for quite a while.

I think Ari also had experiences like Kuwoobie's, I know at least that she has long chats with younger people, not sure on the specifics. I think she did offer a place to Rachel when she was going through a tough time but that didn't end up panning out. But as a general rule, age means quite a bit less on the internet where you can't see, and won't know it unless told.

This isn't to invalidate the suggestions others are offering, but just add perspective.
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