Things we might discuss if the forum didn't dieFollow

There is nothing on this Earth more satisfying than tacos that you make yourself after not eating anything at all that same day.

I don't think I can stand another minute of this. I feel like I can't breathe. Every instinct in me is to try and claw my way out of this room even though it would make a lot more sense to just use the door. --and every room is just a differently shaped version of the same room. Outside of that, everything is copy pasta. It's the same set of roads with the same copy paste traffic and the same copy paste people in every direction for eternity. There is nowhere to go when everywhere is the same.

I have decided that I don't want to die. I want to live and experience all the things I want-- but I can't have any of those things. I realize that it is the fact that I want things I can't have that is making me feel this way all the time-- but not wanting anything is the same thing as being dead. --and every day that goes by I get closer and closer to dying anyway.

It's like being buried alive in a coffin equipped with circulating air and ventilation and food and water all for the purpose of keeping me alive for as long as possible while I'm trapped underground. I have the option to hang myself and end it, but I can hear the voices of people above ground. One time someone talked to me through the dirt, but then went away and never came back.

I started a new class today. It is the last of my gen eds before I start getting into medical stuff. New instructor, new classmates. I can't talk to them. It's not appropriate. I am married, and so are all of they-- and even if they weren't, even if I weren't. It is not appropriate. I am not appropriate. Everyone has their own lives and their own business and it's not for me to be in any way involved in. It really makes me wonder how anything happens this way. Now that I think about it, it has always been this way, and it never changes.

Is there a reason one of you needed to make a sock account for this? Just seems really stupid.

The difference between us is you did have it though. --at some point at least. It is not just sexual love I need, either.

The happiest I have ever been was during the 1.5 years I spent with Red just over Skype. There was no physical contact and I did my best to keep things as non-sexual as possible. I imagine if I had a daughter, it would be a lot like that, maybe. Maybe then I could do as you are saying. Edit: Although, Red hated when I talked about science, or what she otherwise referred to has "hippy shit."

I do have kids of my own, though. --a five year old son. The idea of doing anything educational or artsy with him is not possible... yet. He just doesn't have the kind of attention span for anything like that yet. He is extremely bright, though, and unlike his father, he is very socially inclined and outgoing. I think when he gets a bit older though I will be able to bond with him. For now it's really a lot like having a puppy. He just wants to run around and get into things, and every 5 minutes or so he feels the need to find every other member of the household and announce a random science fact he learned watching Youtube or the Octonauts. "DADDY! GOOD NEWS! MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL!". He does not have to spend his early years watching his father beat his mother within an inch of her life every other day like I did. He will not have to go without food like I did growing up, and gets all the toys and games he can possibly want for. He'll be starting school soon, and I already know he'll have a good life and make tons of friends.

I also have a stepdaughter, who recently turned 12. I have known her since she was 5. I don't really have any kind of relationship with her. The older she gets, the more distant she becomes. She has both her parents active in her life, and I'm really little more than a room mate to her. She isn't particularly close with her parents, either. She would rather spend all day talking to strangers on the internet, and even "dated" my friend Red for a few months. We have a lot of common interests-- things like Vocaloids and internet culture/memes, anime-- things neither of her parents understand or care for at all. Her parents are only about 5 years older than me, yet they seem to come from an entirely different world. We were a lot closer when we had Red as a mutual friend, but these days I'm just the guy who occasionally brings her food and drives her to and from her dad's house. I try to get her to open up and talk sometimes, but she is very private about everything, and will usually flat out ignore me, or respond with grunting noises or short one word responses. "She's a teenager" my wife says. "That's what they do."

I have discussed the possibility of having more kids with my wife. She toys with the idea whenever a close friend or relative of hers has a new baby, but ultimately it has been decided that it's not going to happen. She is too focused on her career and the idea of being pregnant and on her feet all day working at a hospital is not appealing to her-- that and we kind of need to have sex to make another baby happen, and we simply don't anymore. I would like to have a daughter of my own, and I want my son to have a brother. But that will never happen. She works all night, and comes home and sleeps all day, and I rarely even see her. When I do, she is always ill in some way-- usually nausea, and does not want to talk to me.

I want to think there is something I can do about all this. Surely it is my own fault somehow. There is just some obvious answer here that I'm missing. I have talked to both my stepdaughter and my wife about how I have been feeling, and how I feel unwanted. They both have answered with "I don't know what to tell you." They are from the same mold.

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:58am by Kuwoobie

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 10:00am by Kuwoobie

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Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:37pm by Kuwoobie

Edited, Mar 8th 2017 9:38pm by Kuwoobie

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Post the paper, n00b.

The fact remains that I don't like my paper. So, no.

I just turned in a much longer paper today that will likely get a similar response, although I kind of trailed away from the actual objective of the assignment and went off topic a little bit. My instructor said today that I should turn in my scrubs and join the "dark side"/ literary profession(?). She's from London and has this theatrical way of saying everything. Being in this class feels like being on the set of a Tim Burton movie.

Right now I'm listening to my five year old son watch kid-friendly videos that are teaching him about basic biology and chemistry, physics and other topics on his own accord. When I was his age all I did was play The Legend of Zelda on NES or watch Cinderella on VHS over and over... He hasn't even started kindergarten and he can read and type out complete sentences with us over Skype. I can't wait to see what he'll be like when he grows up a bit. I want to be the kind of dad I wanted to have when I was a kid. When we get a house with a yard I'll craft him a bow and arrows out of pvc pipes and that sort of thing.

Ah, Youtube. For every enlightening and educational video for children, there's ... well, this.

Oh god. If I ever let me son play on my phone, I'll have to spend several hours uninstalling games/apps like "Frozen Elsa Pregnant Foot Surgery."

So instead of playing FFXI, all this time I've been playing WoW because I enjoy PvP. Well, I noticed I kept getting better and better gear over a span of several months, and my performance in pvp battlegrounds wasn't really improving. I thought it was suspicious and kind of stupid how food, armor set bonuses and legend traits were completely removed for PvP to make things "fair" and ultimately defeating the purpose of having them.

I just learned today, that at some point during the span I wasn't playing the game, they completely changed PvP in that everything is "auto-balanced" as soon as you join. You can basically join a pvp battleground after having JUST hit max level and do more or less as well as if you had all the best gear in the game.

It's like the very thing people have been complaining about the game since its beginning taken to the extreme. If it wasn't before, WoW is now for casuals, by casuals. You hit max level and get a participation trophy and no one is better than anyone else unless you happen to play a class that tuned more than others or you're lol"skilled." So basically just roll whatever class has the most HP and defensive ability and laugh at everyone who tries to kill you while you capture flags and other objectives the same day you reach max level.

Of course, it's different for PvE. There is still gear progression there for some reason. Aren't they worried about players with better gear doing more damage than someone who is new? Gosh!

I want to play FFXI again, but I really feel it has jumped the shark. I played FFXI on and off for 13(?) years now. I just don't feel motivated to log in anymore. I am burned out. FFXIV looks tempting but last time I tried it felt an awful lot like playing WoW with pretty graphics and FFXI-style wallpaper.

I think now I'll finally have time to work on my horrible new Minecraft server, now with the option to allow players to import any image they want from the internet into the game.

Edited, Mar 20th 2017 2:56am by Kuwoobie

You mean I can't graveyard camp 10 people at once in WSG anymore? Glad I didn't get the new Xpac.

I'm feeling slightly internet-famous today. Markiplier referenced one of my videos in his latest upload today. Since then my channel has been flooded with traffic and people leaving comments. It's kind of funny considering my stepdaughter is absolutely obsessed with Markiplier.



Edited, Mar 30th 2017 12:40am by Kuwoobie