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The Greasy PoleFollow

#1 Sep 22 2009 at 1:48 AM Rating: Excellent
As a break for the varrus/ThiefX ********* here's a little story that happened to me this week-end:


As some of you might know, I was in Bydgoszcz, Poland for work reasons. My role was to support and assist the UK Delegation, made of up of local councillors, who were attending the Council of Europe Culture and Education Committee. So, basically, its a whole bunch of councillors from all over Europe who come and put forward proposals, motions, Briefings, on a wide range of subjects, during a 2-day conference.

I arrived in Bydgoszcz on Thursday evening, and was taken from the airport to a restaurant where the councillors and organisers were having dinner. After the dinner, we boarded a bus which took us to the hotel. As I got off the bus, I rolled myself a cigarette before going in to the hotel. As I was smoking it, I was approached by an Italian councillor from Sicily. Fat, jovial, he looked a bit like Tony Soprano, just with more hair on his head.

We chatted for a bit, checked-in, and found out we had a room on the same floor, almost next to each other. He asked if I wanted to go to the hotel's casino before going to bed, but I declined cos I was tired. As we got to our room, he asked if I was up for having one last cigarette before going to bed. I was like "Sure".

So I went in my room, unpacked my stuff, turned on the TV. 5 minutes laters, he knocks on the door. I open it, and he's standing there, in his boxer shorts and tee-shirt. Bit strange, I thought, but then Italians are a bit strange sometimes, so I didn't think anything else about it. He came in the room, and this is how the conversation went:

- Hey, why don't make yourself comfortable like me, boxer and tee-shirt! he asks.
- No, it's ok, I reply. I'm quite comfortable like this.
- Are you sure, he insists scratching his balls.
- Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
- What are you doing after this cigarette?
- Erm, I'm going to bed man, I'm knackered.
- Ok... Can I sleep here?
- Sorry?
- Can I sleep in your bed tonight?
- Errr... Why?
- Well... I don't like sleeping alone.
- Errr... No, that's ok, I quite like sleeping alone.
- Eeeh, come on. Make yourself comfortable, and let's go to bed.
- Errr... No, really, I'd rather not, it's a small bed, and I need some sleep.
- Come on, what's the problem? I'll only be here for an hour, and then I go back to my room.
- No, really, it's ok, I'd rather just go to bed alone.
- What's the problem? Come on, let's just go to bed...

At this point I'm thinking "Get ready to kick him in the balls", he leans over to me and puts his hand on my cheek. I take it off, and tell him I'm going to bed, alone, and tell him to leave. He says ok, and leans over to give me a kiss. I move my head, and ask him to leave again. He hesitates, and stares at me as though I had told him his mother was gangraped by communist gypsies. Still, he FINALLY leaves.

The next day was really quite awkward. He kept smiling at me, and would ask me if I wanted to go for a cigarette with him. Fucking hell. Luckily, I managed to avoid him for most of the day, and left for the UK that evening. Still, fucking uncomfortable... I can't imagine what it must be like being a hot girl... It must get soooo tiring sometimes.

So, have you ever been the victim of unwanted sexual attention? Every been in a "tight" situation? Is there a polite way to say "get the fuck out of my room you greasy Italian?" Can I blame Berlusconi for this?
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#2 Sep 22 2009 at 1:50 AM Rating: Good
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From this I glean two things.

RP's job is more interesting than mine and he must smoke a cigarette like Audrey Hepburn Smiley: lol
#3 Sep 22 2009 at 1:59 AM Rating: Good
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I have one question.

How the hell do you pronounce Bydgoszcz?
#4 Sep 22 2009 at 1:59 AM Rating: Excellent
Goggy wrote:
he must smoke a cigarette like Audrey Hepburn Smiley: lol


I was going for the Clint Eastwood look, but clearly I failed Smiley: mad

Quote:
How the hell do you pronounce Bydgoszcz?


"Beed-gosh", or so I learnt. Superfluous letters are superfluous.


Edited, Sep 22nd 2009 10:03am by RedPhoenixxx
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#5 Sep 22 2009 at 3:19 AM Rating: Excellent
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#6 Sep 22 2009 at 3:39 AM Rating: Good
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He must have caught your french accent and assume dyou were gay. All French men are gay, yes?

I've been the attention of unwanted male on male attention. I've never had it that in your face though. It's always been soemthing I could jsut walk away from. Then again, I'm big enough that they're likely happy I just walked away instead of slugging them in the face.
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#7 Sep 22 2009 at 3:44 AM Rating: Good
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RedPhoenixxx wrote:
Quote:
How the hell do you pronounce Bydgoszcz?


"Beed-gosh", or so I learnt. Superfluous letters are superfluous.

To the French. Smiley: nod
#8 Sep 22 2009 at 4:03 AM Rating: Good
Uglysasquatch wrote:
All French men are gay, yes?


Well, considering Italy's fertilty rate, I'd say we're a lot less gay than they are...

Quote:
I've been the attention of unwanted male on male attention. I've never had it that in your face though. It's always been soemthing I could jsut walk away from.


Yeah, I've had gay guys hitting on me before, and that's fine. It's usually a pretty straight-forward affair once they find out you're not interested. What bothered me there was the fact he was married, pretending to be straight, and that us getting in our undies and into bed together was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. He was just super-creepy and insistent. I felt like a little boy being asked by some dodgy truck driver to come inside his truck so he could give him sweets.
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#9 Sep 22 2009 at 4:03 AM Rating: Good
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RedPhoenixxx wrote:
"Beed-gosh", or so I learnt. Superfluous letters are superfluous.


Goddamn Polish. Their letters will overrun us all.
#10 Sep 22 2009 at 4:04 AM Rating: Good
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Quote:
he asked if I was up for having one last cigarette before going to bed. I was like "Sure".


Reminds me of that Eddie Izzard skit where he's talking about a cup of coffee. Sex is on!
#11 Sep 22 2009 at 4:09 AM Rating: Good
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LockeColeMA wrote:
Quote:
he asked if I was up for having one last cigarette before going to bed. I was like "Sure".


Reminds me of that Eddie Izzard skit where he's talking about a cup of coffee. Sex is on!


I like my coffee how I like my women: COVERED IN BEES
#12 Sep 22 2009 at 4:12 AM Rating: Excellent
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Quote:
So, have you ever been the victim of unwanted sexual attention? Every been in a "tight" situation? Is there a polite way to say "get the **** out of my room you greasy Italian?" Can I blame Berlusconi for this?


Yes, yes, that is the polite response, and certainly.

C'mon, you naive little sexpot. You're a hot young dude, you're French, you're living in England (international house of poofters). What was he to think? You were clearly just asking for it.

He probably loves it when they play hard to get.

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#13 Sep 22 2009 at 4:18 AM Rating: Good
Quote:
So, have you ever been the victim of unwanted sexual attention? Every been in a "tight" situation? Is there a polite way to say "get the **** out of my room you greasy Italian?" Can I blame Berlusconi for this?


Yeah, there's actually a gesture just for this where he comes from. You should look him in the eye and bite your thumb - for a particularly forceful rejection, you might want to bite hard enough to draw blood. This shows you mean business. Alternatively, reach out and punch him in the gut.
#14 Sep 22 2009 at 4:24 AM Rating: Decent
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I have never been hit on by a gay man. Leading me to conclude I am either butt ugly or radiate manliness.
#15 Sep 22 2009 at 4:26 AM Rating: Excellent
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Goggy wrote:
I have never been hit on by a gay man. Leading me to conclude I am either butt ugly or radiate manliness.
I'd wager option 1, because radiating manliness attracts many gay men. Or did you mean "biggoted redneck closet type who will beat your head in with a crow bar for looking at him" when you said manliness?
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#16 Sep 22 2009 at 4:28 AM Rating: Good
Quote:
He probably loves it when they play hard to get.


The slightly unfunny thing is that I'm gonna see him again in 3 weeks for the Plenary session in Strasbourg.

Is it possible to learn Krav Maga in 3 weeks?
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#17 Sep 22 2009 at 4:28 AM Rating: Good
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Uglysasquatch wrote:
Goggy wrote:
I have never been hit on by a gay man. Leading me to conclude I am either butt ugly or radiate manliness.
I'd wager option 1, because radiating manliness attracts many gay men. Or did you mean "biggoted redneck closet type who will beat your head in with a crow bar for looking at him" when you said manliness?


In my younger years maybe, desperation sets in as you get older.
#18 Sep 22 2009 at 4:44 AM Rating: Decent
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RedPhoenixxx wrote:
Quote:
He probably loves it when they play hard to get.


The slightly unfunny thing is that I'm gonna see him again in 3 weeks for the Plenary session in Strasbourg.

Is it possible to learn Krav Maga in 3 weeks?


Actually, yes you could get a pretty decent understanding in about three weeks. Krav Maga was designed to be easy to learn and lethally effective. It'll take much longer for the reflexes to develop, but that won't matter too much unless he's had some training of his own.

Edited, Sep 22nd 2009 8:49am by Turin
#19 Sep 22 2009 at 4:49 AM Rating: Good
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RedPhoenixxx wrote:
Quote:
He probably loves it when they play hard to get.


The slightly unfunny thing is that I'm gonna see him again in 3 weeks for the Plenary session in Strasbourg.

Is it possible to learn Krav Maga in 3 weeks?

Ah. This is when a female calls in one or more of her female friends to stick like limpets to her for the future set occasion.

It's time to talk to your fellow minions.
#20 Sep 22 2009 at 4:51 AM Rating: Excellent
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Aripyanfar wrote:
RedPhoenixxx wrote:
Quote:
He probably loves it when they play hard to get.


The slightly unfunny thing is that I'm gonna see him again in 3 weeks for the Plenary session in Strasbourg.

Is it possible to learn Krav Maga in 3 weeks?

Ah. This is when a female calls in one or more of her female friends to stick like limpets to her for the future set occasion.

It's time to talk to your fellow minions.
But the guy's Italian. That just looks like an orgy to him.
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#21 Sep 22 2009 at 4:56 AM Rating: Excellent
Goggy wrote:
I have never been hit on by a gay man.

















...
Smiley: frown
#22 Sep 22 2009 at 4:57 AM Rating: Good
OK, Red, here's what you do. Find a woman - any woman - and use your best pick up line - something like "So, heard anything interesting about Uganda lately?" or "I'd like to hike your Appalachian trail, if you know what I mean". He can't do anything to you if you have a consort with you.
#23 Sep 22 2009 at 5:02 AM Rating: Excellent
Kavekk wrote:
OK, Red, here's what you do. Find a woman - any woman - and use your best pick up line - something like "So, heard anything interesting about Uganda lately?" or "I'd like to hike your Appalachian trail, if you know what I mean". He can't do anything to you if you have a consort with you.


So, basically, what you're saying is that I should hire prostitutes to follow me around Strasbourg for 3 days?

I like it. Especially with my brothel downstairs, it should be a doddle.
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#24 Sep 22 2009 at 5:03 AM Rating: Excellent
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Uglysasquatch wrote:
Aripyanfar wrote:
RedPhoenixxx wrote:
Quote:
He probably loves it when they play hard to get.


The slightly unfunny thing is that I'm gonna see him again in 3 weeks for the Plenary session in Strasbourg.

Is it possible to learn Krav Maga in 3 weeks?

Ah. This is when a female calls in one or more of her female friends to stick like limpets to her for the future set occasion.

It's time to talk to your fellow minions.
But the guy's Italian. That just looks like an orgy to him.

Thankyou Ugly.

Ok. It's time to find the most alpha guy in the conference, someone who clearly outranks the Italian guy, and look like his ***** stick like a limpet to him.
#25 Sep 22 2009 at 5:12 AM Rating: Decent
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RedPhoenixxx wrote:
The slightly unfunny thing is that I'm gonna see him again in 3 weeks for the Plenary session in Strasbourg.

Is it possible to learn Krav Maga in 3 weeks?


You don't need to learn Krav Maga. You just need to suppress your French instincts and learn how to hit something in the ********* very hard instead of surrendering.

That's about eighty percent of most martial arts, anyway. The other twenty percent is being totally ripped and shouting very loudly.

Edited, Sep 22nd 2009 1:15pm by zepoodle
#26 Sep 22 2009 at 5:26 AM Rating: Good
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zepoodle wrote:
RedPhoenixxx wrote:
The slightly unfunny thing is that I'm gonna see him again in 3 weeks for the Plenary session in Strasbourg.

Is it possible to learn Krav Maga in 3 weeks?


You don't need to learn Krav Maga. You just need to suppress your French instincts and learn how to hit something in the ********* very hard instead of surrendering.

That's about eighty percent of most martial arts, anyway. The other twenty percent is being totally ripped and shouting very loudly.


Eeeeeeccccxxxxcccccuuuuuuuuuuuuusssee me. It's the little old men you really have to watch out for.
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