The Greasy PoleFollow

As a break for the varrus/ThiefX ********* here's a little story that happened to me this week-end:


As some of you might know, I was in Bydgoszcz, Poland for work reasons. My role was to support and assist the UK Delegation, made of up of local councillors, who were attending the Council of Europe Culture and Education Committee. So, basically, its a whole bunch of councillors from all over Europe who come and put forward proposals, motions, Briefings, on a wide range of subjects, during a 2-day conference.

I arrived in Bydgoszcz on Thursday evening, and was taken from the airport to a restaurant where the councillors and organisers were having dinner. After the dinner, we boarded a bus which took us to the hotel. As I got off the bus, I rolled myself a cigarette before going in to the hotel. As I was smoking it, I was approached by an Italian councillor from Sicily. Fat, jovial, he looked a bit like Tony Soprano, just with more hair on his head.

We chatted for a bit, checked-in, and found out we had a room on the same floor, almost next to each other. He asked if I wanted to go to the hotel's casino before going to bed, but I declined cos I was tired. As we got to our room, he asked if I was up for having one last cigarette before going to bed. I was like "Sure".

So I went in my room, unpacked my stuff, turned on the TV. 5 minutes laters, he knocks on the door. I open it, and he's standing there, in his boxer shorts and tee-shirt. Bit strange, I thought, but then Italians are a bit strange sometimes, so I didn't think anything else about it. He came in the room, and this is how the conversation went:

- Hey, why don't make yourself comfortable like me, boxer and tee-shirt! he asks.
- No, it's ok, I reply. I'm quite comfortable like this.
- Are you sure, he insists scratching his balls.
- Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
- What are you doing after this cigarette?
- Erm, I'm going to bed man, I'm knackered.
- Ok... Can I sleep here?
- Sorry?
- Can I sleep in your bed tonight?
- Errr... Why?
- Well... I don't like sleeping alone.
- Errr... No, that's ok, I quite like sleeping alone.
- Eeeh, come on. Make yourself comfortable, and let's go to bed.
- Errr... No, really, I'd rather not, it's a small bed, and I need some sleep.
- Come on, what's the problem? I'll only be here for an hour, and then I go back to my room.
- No, really, it's ok, I'd rather just go to bed alone.
- What's the problem? Come on, let's just go to bed...

At this point I'm thinking "Get ready to kick him in the balls", he leans over to me and puts his hand on my cheek. I take it off, and tell him I'm going to bed, alone, and tell him to leave. He says ok, and leans over to give me a kiss. I move my head, and ask him to leave again. He hesitates, and stares at me as though I had told him his mother was gangraped by communist gypsies. Still, he FINALLY leaves.

The next day was really quite awkward. He kept smiling at me, and would ask me if I wanted to go for a cigarette with him. Fucking hell. Luckily, I managed to avoid him for most of the day, and left for the UK that evening. Still, fucking uncomfortable... I can't imagine what it must be like being a hot girl... It must get soooo tiring sometimes.

So, have you ever been the victim of unwanted sexual attention? Every been in a "tight" situation? Is there a polite way to say "get the fuck out of my room you greasy Italian?" Can I blame Berlusconi for this?

I have one question.

How the hell do you pronounce Bydgoszcz?

Blame the Liberals!!

To the French.

Goddamn Polish. Their letters will overrun us all.

I like my coffee how I like my women: COVERED IN BEES

Yeah, there's actually a gesture just for this where he comes from. You should look him in the eye and bite your thumb - for a particularly forceful rejection, you might want to bite hard enough to draw blood. This shows you mean business. Alternatively, reach out and punch him in the gut.

I'd wager option 1, because radiating manliness attracts many gay men. Or did you mean "biggoted redneck closet type who will beat your head in with a crow bar for looking at him" when you said manliness?

In my younger years maybe, desperation sets in as you get older.

Ah. This is when a female calls in one or more of her female friends to stick like limpets to her for the future set occasion.

It's time to talk to your fellow minions.

...

So, basically, what you're saying is that I should hire prostitutes to follow me around Strasbourg for 3 days?

I like it. Especially with my brothel downstairs, it should be a doddle.

You don't need to learn Krav Maga. You just need to suppress your French instincts and learn how to hit something in the ********* very hard instead of surrendering.

That's about eighty percent of most martial arts, anyway. The other twenty percent is being totally ripped and shouting very loudly.

Edited, Sep 22nd 2009 1:15pm by zepoodle