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#1 Oct 30 2009 at 1:11 PM Rating: Excellent
Jophiel
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I have a budding business enterprise going. Jophiel Biocuisines International is now providing the world with fresh, nutritious protein in the form of vat grown human flesh. In our spacious manufacturing labs, we are growing slabs of human muscle able to be cut up and served. Of course, in accordance to bioethical regulations, none of the vat tissues are capable of becoming actual sentient human beings. In fact, we scrambled the DNA in the donor tissue slightly just so you wouldn't be eating his/her vat-grown flesh and now it's just anonymous meat. How much should I sign you up for?
Shall you eat my meat?
No, I don't eat human meat on principle:9 (13.0%)
No, I don't eat vat grown products:3 (4.3%)
No, I don't eat vat grown products or human meat. You freak.:15 (21.7%)
I'll try it just this once... to say I tried it:24 (34.8%)
Sign me up for weekly deliveries.:18 (26.1%)
Total:69
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#2 Oct 30 2009 at 1:14 PM Rating: Excellent
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How does this meat compare to regular meat? For example, fat content, protein content, taste, price?

If it's high in protein, lower in fat, tastes pretty good (texture counts in this case too, chewy and stringy are both turn-offs), and the price is comparable to the lean beef or chicken I usually buy, I'd love to eat your meat.
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#3 Oct 30 2009 at 1:14 PM Rating: Good
Uglysasquatch
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How about growing vats of cow/pig instead.
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#4 Oct 30 2009 at 1:17 PM Rating: Excellent
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Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
How about growing vats of cow/pig instead.

Funny thing, that. You can't get consent from a cow. Hey, I just vat grow the meat, I don't make the rules.
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Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
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#5 Oct 30 2009 at 1:22 PM Rating: Excellent
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Do you offer a "veal" line?
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#6 Oct 30 2009 at 1:37 PM Rating: Excellent
Nadenu
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I'd say if you have enough A1 sauce, anything is edible.
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#7 Oct 30 2009 at 1:41 PM Rating: Good
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Does this meat come in familiar cuts like ribeye or leg of child, or is it all just random "slab" and "ground meat substance"?

Edited, Nov 2nd 2009 11:30pm by BrownDuck
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#8 Oct 30 2009 at 1:43 PM Rating: Excellent
Nadenu
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I bet it comes in "sleeves" like vienna sausages!
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#9 Oct 30 2009 at 1:44 PM Rating: Good
Iamadam
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Sorry, but humans as food is just gross. I don't think I could even swallow it if I knew what it was.
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#10 Oct 30 2009 at 1:49 PM Rating: Excellent
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Iamadam the Shady wrote:
Sorry, but humans as food is just gross.


4 out of 5 Bears disagree.
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#11 Oct 30 2009 at 1:53 PM Rating: Good
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MentalFrog wrote:
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
Sorry, but humans as food is just gross.


4 out of 5 Bears disagree.


Really? Because I couldn't... bare... to eat another human.
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#12 Oct 30 2009 at 1:54 PM Rating: Excellent
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Iamadam the Shady wrote:
MentalFrog wrote:
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
Sorry, but humans as food is just gross.


4 out of 5 Bears disagree.


Really? Because I couldn't... bare... to eat another human.


But could you eat a bare human?
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#13 Oct 30 2009 at 1:54 PM Rating: Excellent
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Iamadam the Shady wrote:
MentalFrog wrote:
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
Sorry, but humans as food is just gross.


4 out of 5 Bears disagree.


Really? Because I couldn't... bare... to eat another human.


That joke was really unbearable.
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#14 Oct 30 2009 at 1:54 PM Rating: Excellent
Jophiel
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I'm kind of amused that someone's objection was simply the vat-grown description. I suppose free-range humans would be okay.

BD, we can cut your human meat in a variety of familiar looking steaks, chops and other options.
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
I don't think I could even swallow it if I knew what it was.

Just chew it a while for flavor?

Edited, Oct 30th 2009 1:55pm by Jophiel
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#15 Oct 30 2009 at 1:55 PM Rating: Excellent
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LockeColeMA wrote:
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
MentalFrog wrote:
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
Sorry, but humans as food is just gross.


4 out of 5 Bears disagree.


Really? Because I couldn't... bare... to eat another human.


That joke was really unbearable.


You bearly got away with that one yourself, Mr.
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#16 Oct 30 2009 at 1:56 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
I'm kind of amused that someone's objection was simply the vat-grown description. I suppose free-range humans would be okay.

BD, we can cut your human meat in a variety of familiar looking steaks, chops and other options.


My mom always said "If it looks like a steak, you don't know it's chopped liver!"

I'll take 20 pounds to start.
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#17 Oct 30 2009 at 2:05 PM Rating: Excellent
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Also, I should say that I'd probably be fine with vat grown meats of other varieties... my only concern would be the nutritional value when compared with something that's raised naturally.
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#18 Oct 30 2009 at 2:10 PM Rating: Excellent
Jophiel
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I'm also amused that out of 125 page views, only 15 other people besides myself dared to answer Smiley: laugh
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Belkira wrote:
Wow. Regular ol' Joph fan club in here.
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#19 Oct 30 2009 at 2:15 PM Rating: Decent
Iamadam
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Clearly, your meat is creating a lot of inner conflict for people.
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#20 Oct 30 2009 at 2:31 PM Rating: Excellent
Allegory
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In fact, we scrambled the DNA in the donor tissue slightly just so you wouldn't be eating his/her vat-grown flesh and now it's just anonymous meat.

I think you're missing out on a huge business opportunity. What if I want a cutlet from my favorite band? A rump roast of the salacious **** star? A sirloin from Sir Loin?
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#21 Oct 30 2009 at 3:16 PM Rating: Excellent
Tare
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MentalFrog wrote:
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
Sorry, but humans as food is just gross.


4 out of 5 Bears Coyotes disagree.
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#22 Oct 30 2009 at 4:27 PM Rating: Excellent
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Jophiel wrote:
I'm also amused that out of 125 page views, only 15 other people besides myself dared to answer Smiley: laugh
They're afraid of what Flea will do to them if they admit that they want to eat your meat.
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#23 Oct 30 2009 at 4:40 PM Rating: Good
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We're gonna be going on Soylent Green eventually. Might as well start now.

Just make sure to send a few bottles of ketchup, barbecue sauce, A1, soy sauce, Worcestershire.. Just send an entire aisle of spices and sauces.
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#24 Oct 30 2009 at 5:12 PM Rating: Good
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Tare wrote:
MentalFrog wrote:
Iamadam the Shady wrote:
Sorry, but humans as food is just gross.


4 out of 5 Bears Coyotes disagree.


I was going to post a link but I was too lazy to google a bear attack.
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#25 Oct 30 2009 at 5:23 PM Rating: Good
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Jophiel wrote:
Uglysasquatch, Mercenary Major wrote:
How about growing vats of cow/pig instead.

Funny thing, that. You can't get consent from a cow. Hey, I just vat grow the meat, I don't make the rules.


Actually yeah. No one is harmed in your meat making, and the donors are able to even give total and sane permission.

I'd order tons.
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#26 Oct 30 2009 at 5:31 PM Rating: Excellent
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I appear to be the sole voice of reason, honestly curious as to what people-meat tastes like yet unwilling to eat from a vat.
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