Warhammer Online's latest character class, the Orc Choppa has been available for a few weeks now, so we thought it was time we caught up with one to find out what all the fuss is about.

Warhammer Online's latest character classes - the Dwarf Slayer and the Orc Choppa - have been available for a few weeks now, so we thought it was time we caught up with one of them to find out what all the fuss is about. We managed to convince Morbav - one of the latest Choppas to join the battle - to speak to us about his character class.

ZAM: Thanks for taking some time out of your busy schedule of maiming and killing in order to talk to us.

Morbav: No problem. Da boss said dis be good for rek-root-ment. Whatever dat means…

ZAM: Please could you describe your job for us? What's the Choppa's role in the war against the Dwarves?

Morbav: Morbav fink you mean da "WAAAGH" against Dwarves. Choppa's job is ta hurt and chop fings ta bits. Morbav proud ta be whirlwind of axe-ity doom.

ZAM: So the Choppa's a melee DPS class, then?

Morbav: Dee-pee-ess?

ZAM: Um… yes. Making things dead and doing it quickly.

Morbav: Yes - that's what Morbav say: Choppas hurt fings. Why you no listen? Stoopid squishy humie…

ZAM: Sorry - I apologise. So what does it take to be a good Choppa?

Morbav: Two strong choppin' arms, problems wiv anger, sy-co-logical issues and not fink of personal safety. Dis is what Choppas is all about. Oh, and not choppin' fings too small.

ZAM: Why wouldn't chopping things into smaller bits be better..?

Morbav: Morbav not know humies cud be so dumb… Choppin' small take too long - choppin' fings inta big chunks easier and just as good. Fings still die, so where da problem?

ZAM: Going back to your earlier answer, you said that psychological problems help in your job?

Morbav: Issues from past help Choppas get mad at enemies. Called dis-place-ment therapy. Choppas get angry at enemies until red mist come down and dey all dead. Morbav just need remember bein' raised by Gobbos. Morbav named for Gobbo called Gorbav. Gobbos said Morbav look like him, only bigger. Dere more of me, so dey tink "Morbav" a great joke name…

ZAM: You were brought up by Goblins?

Morbav: DO NOT PUSH ME, PUNY HUMIE! Why talk on Morbav's past? Dis interview over!

ZAM: Sorry Morbav, I didn't mean any offence. Maybe we could offer a new axe in return for some more of your time?

Morbav: …Ok. But it betta be good …

ZAM: Thank you. So, if I can ask, what do you do when you're not fighting?

Morbav: Morbav no understand - Morbav ALWAYS fightin'.

ZAM: So fighting's all that Choppas do?

Morbav: Well… other Choppas like drinkin' and playin' Squig Soccer. If Squig Handler complain, he become second ball. Dey LIKE it when Squig Handler complain, but mostly dey just hide.

ZAM: Taking a look at your axes, I can see that they're covered in a thick layer of blood - why not clean them?

Morbav: Cuz red wunz go fasta.

ZAM: I see. Do you use any other weapons, or just axes?

Morbav: Swords can be good for choppin', but Morbav no like clubs. Morbav no understand Boris Da Basha - he try to make us use dem instead, but dey no good! Clubs only bruise - axes chop tings to pieces and make blud go all over. How you know dey dead when dere no blud?

Morbav: …Can Morbav 'ave dat axe now?

Morbav like choppin' fings...

ZAM: I hear that Choppas can specialise themselves to make them more effective in certain situations - is that true?

Morbav: Choppas get ta choose from causing lotsa pain but getting hurt back lots, puttin' all anger inta a single chop, or hittin' lots of fings at once.

ZAM: So how have you chosen to specialise?

Morbav: Morbav like ta hurt lots of Stunties, so generally swing axes all over da place. Dey call Morbav a Wrecka, cuz Morbav break so much stuff.

ZAM: We can't help but notice - no offence intended - that the Choppas were a little slow to join the war. What's the reason for that?

Morbav: Da Orc gods Gork, Mork and Myfic say Choppas not ready for battle and need trainin' camp. Morbav not agree, but you no argue wiv gods who can squish you flat like pancake. Dey use big green foot ta do it, too. You know what dat smell like?

ZAM: Thankfully, no. Going back to the training camp though, what did it involve?

Morbav: Mainly axe trainin' and teachin' Orcs ta give inta rage. Choppas wiv no disturbin' memories were given some ta get angry at. But Morbav not need dat kind of trainin'…

ZAM: The Dwarf Slayers arrived on the battlefield at the same time as the Choppas - how do you feel about them?

Morbav: MORBAV HATE STUNTIES! WHERE IS DA LITTLE FAT FINGS?

ZAM: Calm down, Morbav. There are no Dwarves anywhere near here.

Morbav: …Me sorry. Like Morbav say, Choppas got rage issues. Useful in fight, tricky when talkin'.

ZAM: Don't worry about it. Would you be able to tell us your opinion on the Dwarf Slayers, though?

Morbav: Morbav not understand dose guys. If dey want ta die so bad, why dey fight back? Dey should let Morbav kill dem - no-one 'ave to know dey give up. Morbav can keep secret. Morbav promise.

ZAM: Thank you for talking to us Morbav, and good luck in the war.

Morbav: It's da WAAAGH!

ZAM: Whatever you say.

The interview you've just read contains a fictional look at the Orc Choppa and is meant for the sole purpose of entertainment. Moreover, the fictional depiction of Morbav was created by the author and is not necessarily the view of Allakhazam.com or Mythic Entertainment. An editor and a small section of wall were harmed during the making of this interview, due to "dat axe not bein' good enuf".

SAM "azerian" Maxted
Editor
ZAM.com